There are many ways a man can celebrate a win. In little league, the victors were usually taken out for pizza or ice cream, while the losers usually got pizza too, but they didn’t get any toppings. Toppings are for winners.
Atlanta Falcons running back Michael Turner is a grown up, and he celebrated the Falcons’ Monday Night Football win over Denver like only a (stupid) grown up can. No, he didn’t hit up a Papa John’s or Baskin Robbins. Instead, he decided to drive his expensive car alarmingly fast while fueled by good old fashioned adrenaline.
Oh yeah, alcohol. He was also apparently fueled by alcohol.
Failing in front of millions of people is one of my ultimate fears. Hell, failing in front of two people is terrible enough.
The Arizona Cardinals were on their way to shocking the football world in New England this afternoon. As Kevin Kolb – the new mayor of Phoenix – and company tried to kill one last minute on the clock, rookie (sort of, he missed last year due to a knee injury)Ryan Williams fumbled at his own 30 yard line. Linebacker Brandon Spikes did a great job to get the strip.
Williams was clearly distraught. His teammates – some of them least – consoled him as Danny Woodhead looked to have won the game with a 30 yard touchdown run. The play was called back thanks to a Rob Gronkowski holding penalty. No matter, with plenty of time and the best kicker going the Patriots were a lock to spare their fans and survivor pool addicts the shock of the season thus far.
But he missed. Stephen Gostkowski missed. After providing points for the Patriots all game, Gostokowski hooked the 42 yard game winning attempt. As a result we got this wonderful picture of Pats owner Robert Kraft:
Image via Bleacher Report
Williams will be sparred the wrath of crazed Cardinals fans this week, but the running back should remember to pay it forward. Someone else had to fail in order for his day to be saved. Sending Stephen a fruit basket is the least he could do.
Remember the offseason that just ended about a month ago, and that bounty thing in which Saints players allegedly paid each other money to do a thing that resulted in potential injuries to opposing players, most notably Brett Favre? Yeah, that’s still a thing, and today a three-member appeals panel issued their ruling on the appeal launched by the four players in question (Jonathan Vilma, Will Smith, Scott Fujita, and Anthony Hargrove).
That’s when something shocking and unexpected happened. The panel ruled in favor of the players, according to ESPN’s Adam Schefter. That means all of the suspensions are voided, and the players have been freed.
Vilma succinctly summarized the feelings of the group after their victory over sheriff Roger Goodell.
He then proceeded to plot his revenge on his evil twin brother that he became separated from in the womb after a spirited sperm laser battle.
The word “likely” was inserted into that headline out of clinging, desperate, misguided optimism. When it comes to replacement officials, we’re sort of like the pimple-faced 16-year-old who screams in terror and calls his local Internet provider while watching Kate Upton cut her shirt in half, hoping against hope that his connection returns upon the 18th viewing.
But alas, it seems that for both those whose pubescent urges are uncontrollable and those who seek competent officiating in their NFL games, hope is fleeting, and fading. That’s odd, because I’ve never once concluded that those two groups would have something in common.