Archive for the ‘Replacement Refs’ Category

After deliberating for 187 minutes, he still made the wrong call.

It’s been an interesting week in the world of football. The replacement referees made several catastrophic and game-altering calls, Roger Goodell found enough change in his couch to coax the real referees back to the NFL, and I was reminded that the Lingerie Football League was still a real thing.

I stand amidst this sea of change as the only constant left in your life. Well, that’s probably not true. But no matter what happens in the NFL on any given week, you can be sure I’ll be here writing vaguely funny captions about it.

This week we’ll see: Bob Griffin in an erotically compromising position, Barry Richardson enjoying some classic literature, a Dolphin themed juggalo, and the play that launched a million tweets.

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Though the end of the referee lockout is not official just yet, theScore’s social media maestro Scott Johnson commemorated the replacements in fantastic fashion. We laughed, cried, mortgaged our homes and so much more. Ladies and Gentlemen, today we remember:

THE REAL FINAL UPDATE (12:28 am): Last all caps bold scream of the night, for realz. is now confirming that an agreement has been reached, and a regular crew will work Thursday’s Browns-Ravens game.

FINAL UPDATE THAT’S ALSO THE BEST EVER (10:47 pm): Legally, we’re obligated to exercise caution until a deal is finally signed. Well, now it seems that ink has met some expensive paper, as ProFootballTalk is reporting that an agreement has indeed been signed. We’ll never forget you, replacement incompetence. Now please, report to Foot Locker for the midnight shelf stocking.

BEST UPDATE EVER (10:08 pm): Pop the champagne bottles, start streaking, and stay the hell out of Ed Hochuli’s way. The lockout isn’t officially over yet, because we can only have nice things once important men somewhere sign a bunch of important papers. But that’s exactly what’s about to happen, according to Tony Softli, who reports that the NFLRA will sign the league’s proposal, while Jason La Canfora calls an agreement “imminent“.

After going though the pain of a certain other labor impasse that threatened an NFL season, we’re all aware that nothing is official until it’s officially official. However, this time it’s sounding like a deal truly is in place, and when it’s finally signed both La Canfora and Softli are reporting that a regular crew will work tomorrow night’s game. This all means we can now watch football games that are officiated by referees who can properly count timeouts, and therefore we’ll never complain about a blown call again.

Say, would you like to relive a day of confusion filled with the raising and smashing of hope? You’re a little twisted, but who am I to deny that entertainment. Scroll down, friend…

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By now I’m sure we’re all getting a little tired of reading about the debacle that was last night’s Packers/Seahawks game. It’s only been a few hours and we’ve already covered it to death, wringing most of the sweet juices out of it, while leaving a dry husk of scab ref/Roger Goodell hate.

This is the last story I’ll write about it, I swear. I just figured it was only fair to let Mitch Mortaza, commissioner of the Lingerie Football League, get a couple of pot shots in.

“Because of the LFL’s perception it is that much more critical for us to hire officiating crews that are competent, not only for the credibility of our game but to keep our athletes safer. Due to several on-field incompetent officiating we chose to part ways with with a couple crews which apparently are now officiating in the NFL. We have a lot of respect for our officials but we felt the officiating was not in line with our expectations.We have not made public comment to date because we felt it was not our place to do so. However in light of tonight’s event, we felt it was only fair that NFL fans knew the truth as to who are officiating these games.”

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Hey you. Yeah, you people marching outside of an empty Lambeau Field with your signs of protest. Go home now, for Roger Goodell has spoken, and he’s cured all of your angst and ills. You should calm down too, guy who contributed to the $150 million lost in Vegas due to a comically botched call on a play that wasn’t even the play Russell Wilson was supposed to call.

Yep, quiet down everyone, because there’s a totally logical reason for the worst call in recent memory that should strip the NFL of every ounce of remaining leverage it has (or thinks it has) over the locked out regular officials. There should have been an offensive pass interference call, and there wasn’t. That’s all.

Whoa boy. Here’s the league’s statement in its entirety, and before reading please ensure that one of those handy airline vomit bags is nearby.

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In the horse race that is human innovation, twitter is neck-and-neck with the polio vaccine and the eventual advent of the hover-board for the greatest invention of the past 100 years (although to be fair, the hover-board isn’t due until 2015).

Ok, I immediately regret typing that level of bullshit hyperbole, but for a guy who lets his fingers ramble all over a keyboard until a sports story pops out, twitter is a gift from the internet gods.

Twitter allows the average athlete to express their unfiltered views to sports fans across the globe, and this usually results in an unparalleled level of honesty. It also encourages an unparalleled level of idiocy, no doubt causing a nation of team publicists to develop unparalleled alcohol problems (it’s time I retire the word “unparalleled”) .

Unless you’ve been living under 178 rocks at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, you’re aware of what happened at the end of last night’s Packers/Seahawks game. If you aren’t aware of what happened, I will kindly direct you to read this.

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We’re a day late with your weekly stimulation through repeated moving pictures. GIF gate keeper Scott Lewis took a brief sabbatical to visit his homeland on Canada’s majestic east coast, a place where 95-year-old women shoot moose, and that’s just your average Tuesday.

But that turned out to be a cleverly disguised blessing, because now we’ve provided Packers fans with a way to watch the controversial ending of last night’s game throughout their entire work day, week, and year. Please don’t hurt me.

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