Archive for the ‘Super Bowl XLVII’ Category

What, so God is on Twitter?

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We’ll be debating this sequence until next fall, so let’s get a head start now.

The details: the 49ers were down by five points. They had the ball on Baltimore’s five-yard line, with 1:50 remaining in the fourth quarter, and only one timeout. It was either score a touchdown, or end the season. Colin Kaepernick threw a fade to the back of the end zone in the direction of Michael Crabtree, who was then impeded by Jimmy Smith. Or was he?

I’ve never hated myself more than what I do at this very moment, but I actually find myself agreeing with Phil Simms here. Unless there’s absolutely egregious pass interference that ends in the receiver getting tackled and/or mauled, the officials would very much like to avoid making a call that will alter the result of a Super Bowl, and therefore NFL history.

That’s what happened here, and it’s why Jim Harbaugh did this…

Man, there are a lot of funny people on Twitter. The whole world is funny, really. Nearly every single person who has a Twitter account was able to make a really awesome blackout joke. It was pretty impressive.

Oh and also, Beyonce is attractive.

(Football butt slap to Archi Zuber for compiling both these tweets and our earlier tweetbag. And the one that will appear after the fourth quarter. Zubes is rollin’ tonight, guys.)

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What was a three-touchdown lead for the Ravens has now been cut to just five points (#BlameTheBlackout). The third quarter just came to a close, with Baltimore set to at the very least get points on their current drive and stretch the lead to eight barring a turnover, or a horrific chip-shot miss.

Still, the second half has been a blackout in more ways than one for the Ravens. The 49ers have 109 yards of offense since the lights went boom, and prior to their current drive Baltimore had only one second-half first down. Now as we watch Bernard Pierce also walking to the locker room to be evaluated after a leg injury, the Ravens’ snowball of suck is building.

Haloti Ngata suffered a gruesome-looking knee injury, and his return is questionable.

Frank Gore’s touchdown late in the third got the 49ers to within eight of the Ravens, but more importantly, he broke his version of  ‘Kaepernicking’

The Twitters watched the first half of the Super Bowl. What did the Twitters see? Chris Culliver hates being too close to guys, super awesome opportunities to reference Disney shows, and…and…PUT IN ALEX SMITH NOW OMG.

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Destiny’s Child will make their much anticipated reunion during today’s halftime show. Well I’m not really anticipating it, but I’m sure some of you are. I know Michelle Williams is, she really needs the work.

Also I think other things are happening, so won’t you join me? we can watch this together.

8:05-This halftime show is brought to you by Jeep and Pepsi. So you know, buy these products.

8:08- Maniacs run onto the field and Beyonce (singing ‘Crazy’) seems to be made out of lights.

8:10- Beyonce is lip synching here, but check out that chewing gum walk…very Wrigley

8:11- THAT GUITAR HAS SPARKLERS!

8:12- She just dropped it like it was relatively luke-warm!

8:14- I wish I had my own horn section. I would force it to follow me around playing the theme from “Sanford and Son”.

8:15- LEGS! LEGS! LEGS!

8:15- OH MAN! A MICHELLE WILLIAMS SIGHTING!

8:16- I am definitely not ready for this jelly.

8:17- I think it’s safe to say that all the women in New Orleans are independent.

8:18- That Charlie’s Angel pose is doing something to my lower area. It’s kind of tingly.

8:19- Beyonce wants to know “where my ring at?’ I’m pretty sure she already got it, and I’m pretty sure it was massive.

8:21- I really want those large silhouettes of Beyonce to kiss. I am a lonely man.

8:22- Aaaaand its over.

I learned two things from this halftime show: 1. Beyonce is extremely attractive. 2. Sparkler guitars are awesome!