Last year, you gave your mother fresh new oven mitts on Mother’s Day, and a gift card to the Olive Garden. Never again.
Things will be different this year. You’ll give her a gift filled with caring, compassion, and love for all of humankind. And given recent events, you’ll be able to purchase all that for the low, low price of $8.36.
Getting drafted by an NFL team should be a special, gloriously blissful time in a young man’s life, regardless of the round. Sure, sooner is much better than later, but so very few of us even have an opportunity to tryout for an NFL team. Solider on son.
And for Tyler Wilson — the now former Arkansas quarterback who was selected by the Raiders in the fourth round Saturday — it was, of course. But his draft experience was also…interesting.
“Mmmm, smells like commissioner” (also, I think Quinton Coples only wore this suit once).
Let’s pause briefly from the relentless rumors and speculation and reports and completely baseless chatter for a reminder that Roger Goodell is indeed a human. He’s capable of laughter and compassion, and last year during the first round we saw something we could very likely start to see again in a few hours: Goodell outwardly expresses himself through repeated manly embraces.
Other teams use all that crazy whizz-bang computer gadgetry to navigate their way through the three-day labyrinth that is the NFL draft, a hellish time when scouts and front office men are locked in a room with little more than baked beans and a caffeine IV to keep them functioning at an optimal level.
The Jaguars see no need for such futuristic nonsense. They’re doing just fine without it, thanks.
Suddenly, that third-round punter last year is making a whole lot of sense.
After the lockout, a rookie wage scale was implemented, eliminating those lucrative times when the first overall pick would be paid, oh, $50 million. That’s the guaranteed money given to Sam Bradford in 2010 when he was the last top pick under the old system, and overall his base salary tops out at $75 million.
Two years into the rookie wage scale, we’re learning how much it’s depriving young NFL players of basic life necessities. Scroll down only if you have a strong stomach.
If you’ve ever been within earshot of a television that was showing NFL programming, you’ve probably heard the legendary voice of the late, great Pat Summerall.
What you may not have known, is that at one time, Summerall coached actor and legendary mustache owner Burt Reynolds at Florida State University.
During a 1996 blow-out between the Dallas Cowboys and the Miami Dolphins, Summerall and his broadcast partner John Madden spotted Reynolds in the crowd and Madden asked Summerall if Burt was any good at football.
Shattered. Faith Hill easily leads the list of things I associate with Sundays in the fall, and she’s only narrowly ahead of being asked if I’d like to date a cougar 26 times throughout 14 hours of television viewing. Oh, that only happens to me?
Anywho, it took me a solid 24 hours to recover from Faith breaking up with us. As part of the mourning process, I thought we’d take a quick trip to listicle land to find a suitable replacement who meets network television’s ogling vocal standards. There’s a problem with everyone who isn’t named Carrie Underwood, and we keep it real with No. 7.