Questions I Can Answer

The NHL has recently released their ad campaign for the upcoming season: “Questions Will Become Answers”. Now while there are some questions I can’t answer, like “where do rainbows come from?” or “how do magnets work?” I can tell  you that in my brief journey of being the producer for HOTH, I have built a very credible opinion, just ask some of our loyal commenters. Here is said opinion on these ads.

The Question About Mike Cammalleri:

My Answer:

While we get to witness Mike Cammalleri heave an old tractor tire end over end in an elementary school’s playground (where most farm equipment is kept), we listen to the two “announcers” squabble over the conundrum of the Habs and if they were a fluke last year. Well yeah, they kind of were. They squeaked into the playoffs behind the Flyers, and once they got there they had Jaroslav Halak literally standing on his head to get them through two rounds. Cammalleri was indeed the most productive Hab in the post season and they did surprise a lot of critics, but can they do it again? Not a chance. With Price being the whipping boy to all fans of the bleu, blanche et rouge, expect more cars to be torched after their first round exit this year.

The Question About Jonathan Toews:

My Answer:

While I don’t think Jonathan Toews looks like a woman in any way, every time I see someone doing squats, I’m always reminded of this fine female specimen. Again we have the two “announcers” filling 30 seconds with their argument as to whether the Blackhawks can repeat or not. The most compelling argument is that “nobody has proven they’re better than the Blackhawks”…well no shit idiot announcers, it’s kind of difficult to prove anything when there’s no games being played. They also go on to say they’ve kept their key pieces “Toews, Kane, Hossa and Keith” but I think that the loss of several role players is what will ultimately do them in…Ohh yeah, they also lost Niemi and replace him with old man Turco. Unlike the Detroit Red Wings of 97 and 98 I can easily say there will be no repeat in 2011, partially because they don’t have Kevin Hodson.

The Question About Alex Ovechkin:

My Answer:

Ovechkin has been nothing short of disappointing in the playoffs for the past few years. These two announcers claim that the Capitals are “loaded” (I didn’t know they signed Khabibulin) and that this year will be different. I just don’t see it happening. I want to, I just can’t. If ever there was a time for the Capitals to make a run, it was last year. They also argue that “Ovechkin spent all summer thinking about last year’s playoffs? I highly doubt that too. If he is anything like the 99.9% male population, I’m sure he was spending quality time with his new lady friend Katja on his yacht, in a speedo getting totally shitfaced. I can’t blame him either. Until he proves himself different from the label of being a disappearing act in the playoffs, or any important game for that matter *cough-Olympics-cough* this team is going nowhere. Keep jerking those ropes Alex. And by jerking those ropes, I mean…totally jerking.

The Question About Sidney Crosby:

My Answer:

After watching this one I thought to myself “can the Penguins win this year?”, While I’d like to think they could (and for the record I’m not one of those guys who’s got a man crush on Crosby) I do think they have the most legitimate chance of making it back to the finals out of all the teams featured in these ads (SPOILER ALERT: Ryan Miller’s ad is next). While they’ve lost a few guys this off season (Goncahr, Leopold, Fedotenko amd Guerin) They did manage to get Paul Martin and Zbynek Michalek. The depth in the Penguins roster is pretty impressive and they also have a pretty respectable 1-2 goaltender situation. The two “experts” on the mic start throwing around the term Dynasty a little prematurely, kind of like how the leafs win one game and start calling it a “winning streak”. I do think they’ll end up further than last year. I mean, just look at those bedroom eyes Crosby’s giving you at the end of that video. He means business, like “Ovechkin-jerking-ropes” business. Watch out.

The Question About Ryan Miller:

My Answer:

There are about a dozen or so jokes to be made here about Ryan Miller and his expertise with handling balls but I won’t go there. I’m just going to tell it like it is and flat out say nope. No chance in hell (Buffalo). I won’t deny that Ryan Miller is one of, if not, the top goalie in the NHL, it’s just that there is not enough in front of him to make a legitimate run. It’s too bad to because Miller is awesome. They’ve added Niedermayer and only really lost Tallinder and Lydman (and Torres if you consider him to have any value, which I don’t) but I think the problem is that the Sabres do so well in the regular season because Miller is behind them. Once the playoffs start and other teams goalies start to rise to the occasion as well,  there is not enough offense for the Sabres to go anywhere.  I’m going to have to say Barfalo’s a bust this year. It ain’t happening.