Canadian Thanksgiving is upon us.   Thanksgiving is a holiday to spend time with your family, eat far too much food and think about everything you have to be thankful for.  At HOTH, one of the things we’re thankful for is that hockey is back.   Seriously.  It’s quite difficult to write a hockey blog without hockey.

Today we’re going to take a moment to ponder what members of Canada’s six NHL teams might be thankful for right now.

The Calgary Flames

Olli Jokinen: That apparently Darryl Sutter had never seen him play hockey when he signed him to a two-year, $6 million contract this summer.

Matt Stajan: That he was traded from the Leafs.

Jay Bouwmeester: That he gets an extra long rest each summer while a bunch of other guys play in that “Stanley Cup Playoffs” thing.

T.J. Brodie: That he can play his entire career without the added pressure of ever being named “The best player to wear number 66.”

Jarome Iginla: That last week he was finally able to get the Stanley Cup Savings tin from Scotiabank.


The Edmonton Oilers

Nikolai Khabibulin:  That the Oilers rarely make their players take breathalyzer tests.

Taylor Hall: That he managed to arrive in the NHL quietly and without any hype or desperate calls to save a franchise.

Magnus Paajarvi: That since dropping the Svensson from his name he hasn’t been asked “How are you going to fit that name on the back of your jersey?” nearly as often.

Sam Gagner: That his last name in French translates to “win” in English, so it has to come true at some point, right?

Jordan Eberle: That he won’t be expected to win the World Junior Championship all by himself again this year.

The Montreal Canadiens

Carey Price: That with Jaroslav Halak in St. Louis the Montreal fans will have to start accepting him one day soon, right?

Hal Gill: That the air is much fresher up there.

Brian Gionta: That Hal Gill can step over him easily and that he regularly does.

Andrei Kostitsyn: That it’s more difficult for Sergei to borrow money off of him from Nashville.

Alex Auld: That it’s pretty much impossible for him to become the most criticized goaltender in Montreal this year.

The Ottawa Senators

Mike Fisher: That his marriage to Carrie Underwood means no one really pays attention to him at dinner parties. Therefore  he can eat all the shrimp he wants without receiving strange looks.

Chris Neil: That everyone hates Jarko Ruutu more than him.

Jarko Ruutu: That everyone hates Chris Neil more than him.

Jason Spezza: That, if he’s reading the Dany Heatley story properly, it’s only another year or two until he can demand to be traded.

Sergei Gonchar: That he’s perfected the art of killing mosquitoes with his slapshot, because it makes spending time at the cottage so much more enjoyable.

The Toronto Maple Leafs

Kris Versteeg: That he won the Stanley Cup last year because, man, it’s gonna be tough this year!

Dion Phaneuf: That he was traded from the Flames.

Brian Burke: That, at this current point in time, Tyler Seguin hasn’t done anything great in the NHL yet.

Tomas Kaberle: That soon people will stop threatening him to waive his no trade clause.

Phil Kessel: That the team is generous enough to allow him to score pretty much every goal.

The Vancouver Canucks

Daniel & Henrik Sedin: That team management still hasn’t noticed when they play that game where one of them goes to the mall while the other sits in a team meeting and pretends to be both of them.

Roberto Luongo: That someone finally explained to him that the Vancouver crowds are saying “Luuuuuuuu” and not “Booooo.”  He was really starting to hate Vancouver.

Dan Hamhuis: That a couple weeks have gone by without someone trading his rights.

Sami Salo: That no matter what other injuries he sustains in life, they will never be worse than the rumoured ruptured testicle.

Alexandre Burrows: That, instead of being biased against him, NHL referees will treat him as inconsistently and randomly as they treat everyone else in the league.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Comments (2)

  1. “He was really starting to hate Vancouver.”

    Awesome. Well done.

  2. The Hockey News called. They want their terrible jokes back.

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