Hockey Halloween!

It’s the time of the year for ghouls, goblins and sexy nurses.  One of the most difficult things about Halloween is choosing a costume for whatever party you may be attending. Without some proper preparation and effort you could end up throwing on a dirty bed sheet minutes before the party and pretending to be a ghost yet again.  Nobody wants to see that.

Halloween costumes don’t need to be expensive or elaborate, but they should be creative.  The good news is that hockey fans who are planning to dress up this weekend have many choices for hockey-themed Halloween costumes.  Here are a few suggestions:

NBC: Wear multi-coloured feathers.  Show up late to the party and only associate with the most popular people there.  Continuously make terrible decisions.  Leave before the party ends.

Gary Bettman: Wear a badly tailored suit or a Sidney Crosby jersey.  Do whatever the person wearing the NBC costume asks you to do.

Phoenix Coyote Fan: Dress up like an empty seat, just like all those other fans have been doing all season.

Alex Ovechkin: Flashing lights, big sunglasses and graphic t-shirts are a must for this costume.  So is a case full of individual awards with an empty spot marked “Stanley.”  When in doubt, set your stick on fire and see if you can get any of your friends to help you put it out.  Note: When wearing this costume you won’t be able to stay until the end of the party without choking, so be careful.

Evgeni Malkin: Carry around a Sidney Crosby cut out and spend the entire night standing in its shadow.

Brian Burke: Wear a suit and be brash and loud the entire night.  Offer the person standing next to you your Snickers bar in exchange for two Mars and a Twizzlers.  If that doesn’t work, ship the next two years of your kids’ Halloween candy to someone else in exchange for a box of Smarties.

Patrick Kane: It doesn’t really matter what you wear for this costume, but we advise against taking a cab to the party.

Ilya Kovalchuk: Refuse to commit to a costume for the rest of the week.  Right before the party starts, put on a New Jersey Devils jersey.  Take it off again after an argument.  Put it back on and refuse to take it off for the rest of your party-going life.  Spend at least a portion of the party sitting on the bench.

Rick Rypien: Drink ten Red Bulls on the way to the party.  Attack anything that moves.

Mike Ribeiro: Pour at least a bottle of rum over your head.  Carry a six pack in each hand.  If anyone touches you, immediately fall to the floor and start twitching.

Carey Price: Try and find a party where no one wants you in attendance.  Insist on staying.

Sidney Crosby: Wear a classic suit and tie.  Practice several canned responses before the party and only speak to people using those phrases.  Don’t stray from the message and try to inject as little of your own personality into the evening as possible.  Punch someone in the balls.

Dion Phaneuf: Wear whatever Sean Avery wore a few years ago.

Happy Halloween!

Comments (20)

  1. hahahh the brian burke one is amazing!!

  2. dude that avery line was badddd come on he is the captian the burkie one was funny but he can buy his kids candy all year mlse

  3. these are all freakin’ great! bravo, well done sir

  4. NBC was probably funniest, but the Crosby one was terrible… I know you feel the need to rip on the best (current) hockey player in the world, but seriously, put a little more effort into it. Is that really the best you got?

  5. [...] in “Chuk”, and our suggestion that Gary Bettman could dress up as Sidney Crosby in our hockey Halloween list.But, to get poetic for a moment, sometimes creativity and zaniness gives way to the preservation of [...]

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