The Florida Panthers average 14,561 fans for each home game this season.  While that’s not the lowest attendance in the league, the team could definitely use a few more butts in the seats.

And they’re trying.  A visit to the Panthers’ website brings up these two images:

Those methods help, but we certainly think the team could do more.  As a public service to the people of Florida, we present five ways the Florida Panthers could boost ticket sales:

Bring Back The Rats

During the Panthers’ run to the 1996 Stanley Cup Finals, the fans in Florida went crazy with rat throwing after Panthers goals.

We believe we spy the FoxTrax puck in that clip.

Sure, the rats last appeared during the Panthers’ most successful season, so the crowd may not be as motivated to pelt the ice with plastic rodents after a regular season game as they were during the playoffs, but it’s worth a shot, no matter what the NHL rules say.  You never know.  The fans in Florida may not all be hockey people, but there’s a chance that they’re rat throwing people.  Take that chance.

As an extra bonus, the Panthers could start counting the rats and adding the number to their official attendance in order to boost the figure.

Lock the doors during each game

It’s a simple solution, but it just might work.  Once the fans enter the arena for the game, lock the doors and keep them inside.  When the next game starts, allow new fans in, but don’t let anyone escape.  Continue this process until you have a full arena.  This may take several months.

Note: Forcing people to watch the Panthers against their will may be considered torture.

Combine the game with a Matlock double feature

Old people love Matlock.  They also love Florida.  It only makes sense to put the two things together.

If this worked out well the Panthers could take a page out of The Simpsons’ playbook and rename the BankAtlantic Center to The Matlock Arena.  Eventually it will become home to the Florida Matlocks and their captain Bryan McMatlock.

Change the team’s name to “Pittsburgh Penguins”

The Panthers third jerseys are almost the same as the Pens’ thirds and Winter Classic jerseys already, so this wouldn’t be much of a stretch.

Note: This scheme would only work for a few years before the franchise declares bankruptcy.

Ice an entertaining, competitive team that can compete for the Stanley Cup

It’s just crazy enough to work!