Chris Pronger is going to miss four-to-six weeks with a broken bone in his foot. Now, the official story is that he suffered the injury during a game against Montreal, but we seriously doubt that. Why would Pronger be so forthcoming about the root of his injury? Because he’s trying to hide the truth, that’s why.
It’s no surprise that Pronger is a controversial player, so it’s only fitting to assume that he broke his foot in a controversial manner.
So how did he really break it? We have some theories…
Puppies are small, cute, cuddly and loved by pretty much everyone. In short, they’re everything Chris Pronger is not. Pronger is known for his ruthless, competitive nature so we wouldn’t find it surprising at all if he injured his foot while trying to eliminate an especially hardy puppy.
Note: We looked into it and the Hockey Cats deny paying Pronger to take out their canine enemies.
An investigation is pending, but it’s being run by the NHL so no one knows what the outcome will be. We’ve already intercepted an email where Colin Campbell calls the puppy a “little fake artist.”
Stomping Out The Opposition
Don’t put it past him. Mr. Pronger has tried this earlier in his career to some success.
Driving to Joffery Lupul’s House
Every few weeks Chris Pronger shows up at Joffery Lupul’s home and tells him that the two players have once again been traded for one another, just to mess with him. This time, filled with glee and driving a bit over the speed limit, Pronger was a little too enthusiastic as he screeched his car to a stop in front of Lupul’s driveway. Pronger broke his foot slamming down the brake pedal, but he braved through the pain and angrily made it to Lupul’s door anyway.
Lupul was never seen again.
Climbing Over His Puck Collection
We all know that he stole a few pucks in the Stanley Cup Final, but what did he do with them? If you listen to Pronger’s side of the story, he threw them out. However, we know better than to trust Chris Pronger. Our inside source has let us know that one of the bedrooms in Pronger’s home is filled with nothing but stolen pucks and the souls of those he’s sent to Hades.
We’d like to image that Pronger, thrilled by the Flyers’ recent success, entered the “Puck Room” sometime this week to admire his trophies. It was there that the wayward pucks finally got their revenge as Pronger slipped on one, breaking his foot.
Getting The Hell Out Of Edmonton
To Chris Pronger, the City of Edmonton is his kryptonite. So recently, as a joke, members of the Flyers’ front office directed Pronger onto a flight to Edmonton while the rest of the Flyer team was heading onto their charter plane. Once seated, Pronger became increasingly enraged that – not only was he sitting in coach beside a crying baby and a sweaty, overweight guy – he was heading to the one place on earth he loathes more than any other. Pronger spent the entire flight shaking the baby, trying to talk the overweight man into suicide and demanding that the flight turn around.
While Pronger was successful with the baby and the man, the flight continued to its destination.
As the plane touched down, Pronger threatened the staff and forcefully tried to get the plane to return to Philadelphia. When the pilot refused, Pronger kicked the door in anger, causing the break and destroying the aircraft.
Or maybe he broke it during a game…