The world is in a panic over the possibility that Sidney Crosby may miss the All-Star Game. There are even rumours that he’s planning to skip the game as a protest. Of course, to miss the exciting, competitive, enthralling and stupendous spectacle that is the NHL All-Star Game would be reprehensible to say the least.
However, we like to think of the NHL as a brotherhood and like any good brotherhood (or street gang) we’d like to see the boys stick up for one of their own. Therefore, today we’re proposing a list of other things that NHL players can do to protest the All-Star Game.
Sidney Crosby, a player who the league loves to market, may protest the game by not showing up. Conversely, Matt Cooke and Sean Avery could protest the game by attending and trying to get on camera as often as possible.
Captain Eric Staal could go off the board and choose Jordan and Jared as his teammates while leaving Marc behind. Marc would then be left to form his own “Team Staal” with his parents, his other distant relatives, his cat and the imaginary fifth Staal brother.
Only one Sedin could arrive in Carolina for the game. He’d then spend the weekend making people guess which one he is. When it comes time to be drafted, he would respond to both Henrik and Daniel, screwing up the whole production.
We thought that Ovechkin could choose to skip the game as well, but that may have the reverse effect and actually promote the event. As soon as people hear that Ovechkin didn’t show up they’d assume it was a big game.
Those weird NHL Guardian things should form their own teams and battle it out during the game, distracting everyone from the action and… wait…. strange robot creatures fighting it out during a hockey game!? That’s just too ridiculous. That would never happen.
We’d love to see at least one player refuse to join Team Staal or Team Lidstrom out of undying loyalty to Team Coco.
During the fastest skater contest, we’d love to see someone jump in a little go kart and speed off the ice. Bonus points would be awarded for throwing a banana peel on the ice to slip up the other racers like in Mario Kart.
Whenever a player is selected from a non-traditional hockey market like Carolina or Phoenix, a few players from other teams should laugh and say “Yeah, like they play hockey in that city!”
Phil Kessel should demand two draft picks before agreeing to play for whichever team selects him.
Dustin Byfuglien could confuse everyone by listing his position as “deforwardman” and screw up the draft by constantly switching position.
Instead of participating in the game, Marc-Andre Fleury and Carey Price should arrange a competing event to take place at the same time. The Fleury/Price Breakdance-a-thon 2011 will definitely steal ratings from the All-Star Game and likely be much more entertaining.
When it’s time to draft Jonathan Toews, either Staal or Lidstrom should insist on calling him “Jonathan Toes” until he relents and accepts the change.
Lidstrom should draft Zetterberg and Datsyuk anyway.
Players could put in lackluster efforts and generally look disinterested the entire time. That would definitely make this year’s event completely different from any other All-Star Game…