As you’re probably well aware by now, the NHL and NHLPA have completely altered the format of the All-Star Game in hopes of reviving fan interest in the event. We’ve given you our take on the new Fantasy Draft approach, and with news of the Honda NHL SuperSkills Compeition breaking today we figured we’d lend our take on those festivities as well.
This year’s skills competition will feature six events including: fastest skater, breakaway challenge, accuracy shooting, NHL skills challenge relay, hardest shot, and elimination shootout.
There we have it. It’s predictable and rather repetitive. Here’s our suggestions for ways to make the SuperSkills Competition just a little bit more exiciting:
A “Crashed Ice” Event
Having a contest to determine the NHL’s fastest skater is cool and all, but wouldn’t an all out downhill race just be the titties? It’d be tough to pull off with just the elected all-stars because most of those guys are bearers of the Mike Richards’ respect gene. Instead, we could enlist a bunch of riff-raff like Sean Avery, P.K. Subban, and Chris Pronger to slew-foot the shit out of each other and make this more like a demolition derby.
Dion Phaneuf has a great relationship with Red Bull so maybe he could call in a favour and ask if the NHL can borrow their infamous “Crashed Ice” event.
Ditch The Accuracy Shooting for an Inaccuracy Contest
Speaking of Dion Phaneuf, this would be an event in which he could take home the title with ease. For the event, several fourth liners would be forced to stand in front of the net and act as targets along with the glass for the league’s most inaccurate shooters. Scoring would be awarded for head hits, broken ankles, shattered femurs, and special bonus points called “Doug Wilsons” for shattered panes of glass. Points would be deducted for goals scored.
Replace the Relay with Anything
Have you taken a look at the diagram for the relay event? It looks like something Dan Bylsma drew up on an all-night strategy bender and then Bruce Boudreau used it as a breakfast tray. We’ve got a couple of ideas for events that could replace this.
The NHL could hold beer chugging boat races with Patrick Kane and Alex Ovechkin as the team captains – or – just see how many cigarettes Carey Price can smoke at once.
One Breakaway/Shootout Event Is Enough
We’re trying really hard to differentiate between the breakaway event and the shootout event. Other than the volume of participants, there’s really very little difference between these two challenges. Since old guys and tyrants believe that the shootout is stupid and has no place in the game then why not replace one of these events with something more relevant like a a headshot or blindside hit contest?
Replace The Nets With Various Breakable Items in the Hardest Shot Contest
Anyone can whip a slapshot at a hockey net in an effort to register the hardest shot, so why not put things like cinder blocks, beer bottles, or two-by-fours in place of the net and see who can channel their inner Daniel-san and break some stuff? It’s either that or just use curling stones and see who can really dial it up.