The NHL is very unique.  That’s part of the reason we love it.  There’s no other sport that is as fast, as physical and requires as much talent as hockey and the NHL is hockey at its highest level.  But what if the rest of your life was just like the NHL?

  • There would be at least one person at your job who would only come in for a couple minutes each day, start a fight for essentially no reason and then be sent away afterwards with few other repercussions. These people wouldn’t have to work during the latter part of the year but everyone would really like them and call them a vital part of the team.
  • If you’re pulled over for speeding a couple of times over a short period of time, eventually the police would pull someone else over and give him or her a speeding ticket instead in order to even things up. If that person complained he or she will be called a whiner.
  • Spitting frequently would be an acceptable practice.
  • It would be perfectly okay to forcefully throw your body into someone else and send them crashing into the office photocopier, as long as that person didn’t have his or her back turned, you kept your elbow tucked it and they were expecting it.
  • Forcing your way in and jamming it through the legs would not result in a sexual harassment suit.
  • As the fiscal year went on, you’d have fewer and fewer departments in your company until around mid-June when there would be only one left. Being in that department would be considered a good thing, despite the fact that you’d get a shorter summer vacation than anyone else.
  • Drinking water would be done completely differently.

  • Once or twice a year some people you know would be forced to do their jobs outside in order to “connect back with their roots.”
  • An old man in a ridiculous outfit would stand outside your office and deliver an awkward – and sometimes racist – rant during the first break of the day. This man would be considered a legend.
  • You’d be able to blame Matt Cooke for just about everything.
  • If your performance dropped at work you’d be told to put on a suit and sit quietly near the boss’ office while others are given the opportunity to do your work. You would still receive your full salary.
  • It would be perfectly acceptable to call grown men names like “Flower” and “Toots.”
  • At least once a day two co-workers would end up in a shoving match over something incredibly minor and petty. People in the neighbouring cubicles would immediately stand up and start banging on the partitions while cheering through the entire altercation. No one would be disciplined for these actions and the workday would resume normally shortly afterwards.
  • People who lived in Detroit would have to travel a lot more.
  • Laws would be strictly enforced in the beginning of the year, but during the end of the year and/or in very tense or competitive situations you’d pretty much be able to do whatever you’d like.
  • Throwing your notepad to the floor and attacking someone else during a routine staff meeting would lead to a spirited fight and everyone else in the office respecting you, rather than a criminal record and anger management classes.

  • You wouldn’t be expected or encouraged to work past the age of 40.
  • If you agreed to work for one employer, that employer would be able to transfer you to any other in the same industry in exchange for a more valuable staff member. You’d then have to work for that new company under the same terms that you agreed to with your original boss. This couldn’t occur if it was March, April, May or early June.
  • There would be hardly any women in your workplace.
  • If someone stole your yogurt from the office fridge you would be expected to retaliate by slamming them face-first into the floor. If you didn’t, your boss would call you “soft.”
  • Difficult decisions would be double-checked by some people in Toronto with a lot of TVs.
  • No one would judge you for wearing knee-high socks with shorts.
  • Canada, Finland and Sweden would be considered world powers while China, Britain and India would be largely ignored.
  • 25-year-olds would be considered “experienced.”
  • Relocating from a warm, sunny area of the continent to a cold, blustery one would be considered a good move by many.

Comments (4)

  1. Holy eff did I rotflmfao. Literally. Well done!

  2. [...] we did, because that’s the kind of thing that we think about. Recently our friends over at Houses of the Hockey considered the consequences/benefits of your workplace operating just like the NHL. But what would [...]

  3. [...] Tomlinson under News on Apr 12, 2011 A while back Rick Moldovanyi pondered what it would be like if our working lives functioned just like the NHL. He created an office space that sounds eerily similar to the average day here at The Score, with [...]

  4. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you’re about to erupt. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favorite physical activities. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that can leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked out. -:”.

    Good day

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