eBay can be a great place to find hockey merchandise.  You’ll often find rare or deeply discounted items if you spend some time looking around.  You’ll also find a whole bunch of knock-offs, but that’s expected.  However, if you really look hard, you’ll also find some downright terrible merchandise.  The blue Philadelphia Flyers jersey above is a perfect example. It’s listed as a “STARTER Winter Classic Philadelphia Flyers Jersey” but for some reason we can’t remember the time when the Flyers released blue jerseys.  That’s probably just because it’s “rare,” as the seller says.  Maybe they wore them in one of those non-televised Winter Classics that they hold underground on occasion.  Either way, it can be yours for an opening bid of $29.99 US or a “Buy It Now” price of $74.00.  Shockingly, there are currently no bids on this rare item.

But it gets worse…

At some point in time (likely the 1990s) Nike must have unleashed a series of these bizarre jerseys onto the unsuspecting public.  Why anyone would want a jersey featuring random diagonal lines all over it makes no sense to us.  However, for those who do, this jersey is available in Blackhawks, Bruins and Rangers flavours on eBay.  If you look hard enough, you’ll probably find other teams as well.  If you look too hard, you’ll go blind from the gaudiness, but maybe that’s for the best.

The last time we checked, the Rangers were nicknamed the “Blueshirts,” not the “Blackshirts.”  However, that little technicality doesn’t stop this jersey from existing on eBay.  The seller hasn’t listed much information about this gem in the description other than to state that this jersey is “THE OLDER TYPE NO LACES AROUND THE NECK.”

Well, it all makes perfect sense now.  Thanks.

Not to be outdone by Nike, Starter must have decided to release its own line of  bizarre, 1990s-style jerseys as well.  This Montreal jersey is pretty much the definition of awful.  We’re completely shocked that the Canadiens didn’t choose to wear this jersey during their centennial, but you can rectify that mistake and “Get it now for the Playoff run.”

If you’re not a Canadiens fan, you may want to pick up the New Jersey Devils version of this jersey, which is equally hideous.

Gradients and hockey jerseys just don’t work.

If you know someone who is looking for the most boring knock-off Penguins jersey of all time, you’re in luck because we’ve found it for you!

This jersey is barely even trying.  Even the Penguin patch looks sad, worn out and defeated.  It also looks like it was possibly drawn with magic marker, but it’s tough to tell from just the photo.  The jersey design itself is nothing like anything the Penguins have ever worn, but who are we to judge?  The opening bid for this jersey is just $4.95 US, which almost makes us want to buy it just to see what it looks like in person.  We probably won’t do that though.

The 1990s did some awful things to the game of hockey.  The neutral zone trap, the FoxTrax puck and ridiculous jerseys are just a few examples.  We have no idea what this Florida Panthers jersey is trying to be, but we’re pretty sure that it has a better chance of making the playoffs than the actual team.  We’re also picturing an epic battle between this jersey and the “Wild Wing busting through the ice jersey” with supreme ugliness on the line.  The fact that the Mighty Ducks actually wore that Wild Wing jersey on the ice makes it more ridiculous than this Panthers’ abomination though.   Sorry, “Panther exploding out of the goal.”

Don’t get us wrong, we’re not judging these sellers for offering these items for sale.  If you can’t sell your terrible stuff on eBay, what’s the point of eBay’s existence?  If you happen to own a bizarre, strange or disgusting piece of NHL merchandise, why not put it up for sale online?  There may be someone out there who actually wants it, so it’s worth a shot.

We’re also not judging anyone who buys these items either.   Just because we think they’re terrible, it doesn’t mean that no one wants them.  After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and perhaps someone will actually love one of these pieces of merchandise.  Whoever that person is, they are much stronger than we are and we salute them.

Comments (3)

  1. Starter did a lot of crap jerseys– but the Flyers was part of the mid-90s “fashion” jerseys. I personally have a Blackhawks one that is yellow. I’m a bit ashamed.

    • It gets better. There was a baby blue Red Wings based on the then-home jersey, yellow Panthers, and wait for it…. a BLACK FISHERMAN Islanders jersey!

  2. A genius article. An excellent array of the worst of the worst ebay has to offer. I recall some of those really odd NIke jerseys were promoted as “road hockey” jerseys. Maybe they were so busy it would make you more visible so you wouldn’t get hit by a car.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *