Everything in Pittsburgh is done with Lord Stanley’s Holy Grail in mind. Even driving the Zamboni.

Chris Campoli states the obvious

The Sedins are a formidable scoring machine. You can’t stop the machine, you can only hope to limit its production. Blackhawks defenceman Chris Campoli is well aware that to have any success against the Canucks, cranking the suck knob on the machine is key.

“The best thing you can do is limit them to hopefully lower-percentage areas of the ice and get them low-percentage chances and shooting from outside. It’s tough to do. As a defenseman, my biggest asset in shutting down anyone is our goalie (Corey Crawford) and he’s done a great job.”

If Campoli can find that suck knob, he’ll be doing the City of Vancouver a favour

That’s because while those jubilant, sometimes destructive post-game celebrations are fun and provide a memory that lasts a lifetime, they’re not free. Or at least they aren’t for the local government.

Vancouver police chief Jim Chu wrote in a report to city council that an additional $648,271 in police expenses will be needed if the Canucks reach the Stanley Cup Final.

“The cost for policing the spontaneous celebrations that result from Stanley Cup playoff games has a significant impact on the VPD budget, as these events are not budgeted for,” the report said. “A consequence of a successful local sports franchise is that large numbers of fans gather together and celebrate wins or commiserate losses during the playoffs”

Don’t let Ryan Malone set up his tripod

We’re just two days into the 2011 playoffs, and already there have been four shutouts. That seals it then: this spring will be dominated by goaltenders.

The Lightning were one of the teams victimized by the gluttony of goaltender larceny. Penguins head coach Dan Bylsma thinks that keeping Tamp Bay forward Ryan Malone away from Marc-Andre Fleury’s line of vision will go a long way in the effort to keep the scoresheet blank.

Crosby hasn’t returned yet, but he’s still influencing the game…a lot

Don’t Trade Vinny launched an investigation after seeing injured Penguins star Sidney Crosby wearing a headset while sitting in the press box during Game 1. Their findings are shocking…

A League official speaking on the condition of anonymity (Look, it was Bettman) admitted this morning to the DTV Investigation Team that Crosby was indeed assigned to the game by the League to act as Chief of Officiating, Head Goal Judge, and Video Review Officer.  The official also acquiesced that the league would likely extend the assignment for the duration of Crosby’s injury.“I can’t say a whole lot about this, but we need him involved in these games.  Whatever it takes to make that happen we’ll do.  He makes the world go ‘round!”

These playoffs need a little more Avery

After being a healthy scratch for New York’s Game 1 loss to the Capitals, uber-pest Sean Avery will return to the Rangers’ lineup, replacing Mats Zuccarello.

Things were a lot different the last time Ray Emery started in the playoffs

Ray Emery was healthy enough to assume his position in the Ducks’ crease during Game 1 against the Predators in relief of Dan Ellis, and he’ll likely start Game 2 tonight. The Nashville Tennessean reminds us that the last time Emery made a playoff start Mike Fisher was his teammate, and they were fighting for a championship against the Ducks.

Larry Brooks once again ruins Jon Tortorella’s good mood

These two need a sitcom. It should take place entirely at a bus stop, and be called “Be As Sarcastic As You Can Be.”