It takes a lot to crush the spirit of hockey fans in Montreal. Their fierce and undying love for the Habs has the power to change the name of established chain restaurants, and make goaltenders into the second coming or our lord and saviour.

Yes, bending the iron will of the flag wavers at the Bell Centre can be a mighty task, unless you give up nine goals to the Red Wings.

But if somewhere out there in Habs-land there are a few worried souls after Monday’s loss to the Bruins and heading into tonight’s Game 4, we’ve got just the tonic for your case of first round fears.

Nothing can fight the Bruins’ sweet chin music quite like Habs fan songs, and we’ve rounded up the worst best from around the Interwebs. We found current songs, and others from yesteryear sure to churn up those fond memories. We even threw in a quality parody for good measure. Listen to all six in their entirety, and you’ll be ready to riot in no time.

For the Habs haters, there’s clearly some ammunition for you to grab here. You’ll point and laugh, and claim that the fans who made these Habs songs are only pushing the stereotypes that surround the fanbase. And you’re right.

But try to set aside your blinding fan affiliation for a moment. I realize that’s an impossible task, but only when we are set free from our inner fandom can we truly appreciate how difficult it is to make a quality team-oriented song, and why you should never, ever do it.

And here we go…

Annakin Slayd would like you to stand up

We begin with a song that’s actually good. Really good.

Don’t agree with me? Give it a minute, you will once you see what Slayd is up against.

Still suppressing whatever anti-Habs emotion you may have, on artistic ability alone Slayd’s latest tune is catchy, and has an ear-worm quality to it. Best of all, it tees up an easy parody song, just like Slayd’s “Feels Like ’93” that was released just prior to the Canadiens’ third round series against Philadelphia last spring.

He could ease up on the Max Pacioretty propaganda a bit though.

Riots, riots everywhere

Kathy Anderson, the same comedic mind that brought us baseball talk with Charlie Sheen, gives us her take on the Habs’ highly emotional fanbase, and a city where minor traffic snarls are grounds for rioting.

Apparently.

Enough electronic altering to make Cher squirm

And now we get to the real gems. Made prior to last season, this little ditty reminds us that no matter how bad the actual song lyrics are, nothing gets worse than a digitized clone of a human.

But there’s more…

From the same artist(?) who brought us “Make it 25″ shown above, here’s his latest anthem for this year’s playoffs titled “16 wins.”

Yeah, it’s only going to get worse from here.

Wigs, gold teeth, and dancing children

There’s a language barrier here for me, and likely most of you. I’m hoping that a better comprehension of the French language would help to piece together this smorgasbord of colours and grade eight Christmas play-level choreography.

Starved for originality, it’s as if a couple Habs fans broke into the local youth dance club and started yelling loud lyrics. Everyone jammed merrily and had a great time.

A shout out to Bobby G

Another song made prior to the 2009-10 season, a mumbling Montrealer laments the Habs veterans who departed during the offseason before praising then GM Bob Gainey for the replacements he reeled in. Points gained for the use of EA Sports screen caps are lost due to excessive grunting.

Now that we’ve made it through this together, there’s a simple lesson to learn from our meandering travels through the music talents of Montreal. If you don’t have any actual talent, not trying is the easiest way to prevent embarrassing yourself, and your fellow fans.

Comments (4)

  1. Hey Sean, habsfan324 here. Like I’ve said in video descriptions and comments, I know I’m not the best singer/rapper/artist… and I’m not trying to be. I’m just an amateur… Annakin Slayd is a professional rapper. There’s a difference, I’m not trying to compete. I do it for fun, it’s a hobby.

    Together I have over 393,000 views and tons of comments from people who love my songs, which is why I keep making them. In the end, no matter what you do, there will always be critics… I don’t take it personally.

    And by the way, thanks for the article. I some extra views out of this…. no publicity is bad publicity ;)

  2. Haters Gonna Hate! :)

  3. Alex,

    Thanks for taking this in stride. If you’re having success with it and it’s a fun hobby, you have no reason to care about what I think. Glad to hear I could help too.

  4. [...] says Game 7 like two highly original songstresses And here we thought it was only the crazed cop car burning Habs fans who embarrassed themselves in front of the entire Internet… The fantastic Trainspotting [...]

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