Week 4 playoff beard update

If there is a direct correlation between average beard growth per week and playoff success, then let’s just hand the cup to the Sharks right now, and get on with our summer.

One day, I will write an academic paper and reveal that correlation. It will contain charts and pie graphs, and it will forever change the standard for playoff beard growing efficiency. I will be praised as a pioneer, and every May we will look to see which team is buried in the most black–or red, as is the case with the Canucks–when we search for a champion. Betters will prosper, men’s hygiene companies will flounder, and Robert Esche will make a comeback.

Until then I’ll just keep searching for the latest in facial hair triumphs and failures each week as the playoffs continue.

Steven Stamkos

May 3 - March 19

We begin with some promising potential that’s new to the playoff beard growing game. Stamkos’ effort is one that’s clouded by scruff right now, and notice the timeline here. This young sapling is finally starting to sprout after nearly six weeks.

Mason Raymond

April 28 - April 15

Stamkos may be taking his sweet time, but at the ripe age of 21 he gets a participation ribbon and a free pass. At least he’s showing some encouraging progress, while Raymond is 25 and he easily owns the worst beard of 2011.

Logan Couture

May 6 - April 19

Raymond’s feeble attempt looks especially child-like next to Couture, as the 21-year-old slowly but steadily joins his other permanently grizzled Sharks teammates.

Devin Setoguchi

May 4 - March 31

San Jose’s legion of facial darkness continues with another youngster. Similar to Stamkos, Setoguchi took his time growing this blossoming chin strap, but his transition from pure baby-face to full face coverage is impressive. Between Couture and Setoguchi, the veteran bread-growers of the Sharks have shown some fine leadership. Speaking of which…

Joe Thornton

May 6 - April 16

Last week we featured Todd Bertuzzi, one of the forefathers of playoff beard-growing. Now we pay tribute to Thornton, another elder whose thick brown brush needs minimal preparation and growing time for a long playoff run. He’s fittingly picture alongside Henrik Zetterberg on the right too, who’s also a highly respected member of the league’s Beard Growing Council, a secret society with weekly meetings starting in mid-April.

Patrick Marleau

May 4 - April 16

Marleau completes our showcase of the Sharks. The combined scruff of the San Jose forwards is bigger than Antti Niemi’s GAA, so it’s pretty massive.

Shea Weber

May 3 - ???

Weber’s facial forest has been chronicled in two of our weekly beard updates so far, and a commenter noticed that he’s starting to resemble King Leonidas. PREDATORS! PREPARE FOR GLORY!

Comments (1)

  1. [...] him well, which leaves us wondering what he’ll try next.Benn FerrieroMay 6 – Dec 24Starting yet another run through the Sharks’ roster of beard growing freaks, second-year player Benn Ferriero introduced his beard to the hockey world [...]

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