I’ve never gone through the tragic misfortune of having a team that I support and poured money into leave for another city. The people of Winnipeg have though, so while it’s easy to understand their elation after hearing that they’re likely getting a hockey franchise back in the near future, they can also sympathize with the few fans who care about hockey in Atlanta.

Losing a team eventually becomes that break-up you anticipated for months. You take drastic steps to avoid the inevitable, like screening calls, and changing your name, but the judgment day will finally arrive. It always does, and it’s painful watching as those in denial hold on.

Most dive off of the sinking ship, choosing to devote their fandom elsewhere, or perhaps do something more productive with their time like learn the names of their children. Others cling until the very end, and it’s the people in this second, possibly mentally unstable group that bought Atlanta Thrashers season tickets today.

Actually, let me correct that. There aren’t “people” in this group, or at least not yet. There’s one person–just one–who reportedly and unbelievably bought a Thrashers season ticket today, according to Chris Vivlamore of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. In fairness to this one lost soul who apparently just dug his head out from underneath a mountain of sand, it’s equally ridiculous that Thrashers general manager Don Waddell said the team plans to continue with its annual select-a-seat event tomorrow.

Depending on which side you’ve chosen in the Canadian hockey media wars, the deal between True North Sports and Entertainment and the Atlanta Spirit is either done, or almost done with a few hurdles remaining. Either way, there’s so much writing on this wall that it’s been stripped of its original paint, and in some spots there’s actually massive gauges in the drywall.

But what should the fans who bought Thrashers season tickets do with their purchase? We have a few ideas…

  • Exchange them for Phoenix Coyotes season tickets, a place where you’ll feel welcome and have a lot in common with the home fans. There’s a wide selection of open seats at the Jobing.com Arena, and they do that playoff whiteout thing that’s super cool and original. Oh and hey, they throw plastic snakes too! That seals it.
  • Quickly sell your ticket to the nearest unsuspecting fool, and use the money to take in the next good band coming to Atlanta. Look! The Crash Test Dummies are playing at Smiths Olde Bar. It’s not too often you get a chance to re-live the glory days of 1993.
  • Or you could sell off your tickets and use the cash as seed money to start your very uniquely local, urban-flavoured daily weather report. While all the other pretty blondes and stiff suits at the major networks point at their fancy green screens and talk about warm fronts and cumulonimbus clouds, you’re one of the people, and you fight the good fight and triumphantly march through the obstacles thrown out by mother nature every day. It’ll be innovative and highly personal, and you’ll use creative, non-offensive language to help people relate to the weather, saying things like “it’s colder than a midget in a refrigerator.”

  • If the 0.01 percent chance that the team stays in Atlanta actually comes through, immediately claim that since you’re one of the few who didn’t bail you’re entitled to a Zamboni.
  • Jubilantly run to famous Atlanta media mogul Ted Turner to show off your new purchase. Everyone knows he’s brimming with enthusiasm for the Thrashers, so maybe he can help with the salvation effort.
  • Do all you can to save the Thrashers and ensure the value of your purchase. Paint your car in Thrashers colours, and make your kids go to school dressed as the Thrashers’ mascot. Become the 178th person (there was 177 as of this writing) to join the Facebook page promoting a rally to save the team that’s taking place tomorrow. You’ll be attending that rally too of course, but first show your undying dedication to the legion of Thrashers supporters by posting a comment that shows you’ll fight through anything to wave the team flag. Use these examples as inspiration…

  • The people of Winnipeg will curl up into the fetal position and run for cover under the benches at parks they don’t have when they read those Facebook posts and see the strength of tomorrow’s rally. Yep, those Canadians have never shown spontaneous support for hockey by running through the streets belting the national anthem…