Week 6 playoff beard update

In the playoffs as in life, men are defined by their ability to grow hair. Think hair has no bearing on a man’s legacy? Tell that to Zeus, Karl Marx, Jim Morrison, and John Lennon. They were all men of power and influence, using their wit, strength, and creative talent to change the world, while also living with their own unique facial jungle. They have so much in common with Ben Eager.

We’ve passed the point in the playoffs where scraggly, wimpy adolescent beards are acceptable. To drink from hockey’s Holy Grail, only the eyes and nose can be visible. In fact, the nose is optional.

As I’ve documented the latest facial failures and triumphs each week throughout the playoffs, one main theme continues to dominate. It’s clear that an experimental beard-growing agent has been dumped into the San Jose water.

Let us go then, and find a new batch of playoff heroes whose wives and girlfriends are now used to kissing a sheet of sandpaper.

Ryane Clowe

May 12 - April 16

One of the many veteran leaders in San Jose providing guidance for the beard growers of tomorrow like Logan Couture, Clowe has gone for a more rigid yet organized look. Note the clear and concise separation between the mustache handlebars and the cheek scruff.

Dan Hamhuis

May 18 - March 16

Going for longevity over brevity, Hamhuis’ deep black boldness has taken its sweet time during the growing phase. But it’s here now, and it’s real, and it’s spectacular.

Ryan Malone

May 23 - April 5

Malone heard that between the Sedins, Raffi Torres, and even the backup goalie, Vancouver is the home of the red beard. Well Daniel and Henrik, Mr. Malone sees your deep red and raises you a Lanny McDonald mustache, albeit one in its early stages.

Ben Eager

May 18 - March 17

Anticipating a showdown with Vancouver at some point in the playoffs, Eager’s was told that girls in the northwest love a bristled and burly man. After months of painstaking work, his efforts finally paid off.

Tyler Seguin

May 23 - April 2

Perhaps steered in a wayward direction by the poor beard leadership from Bruins veterans like Tomas Kaberle, Seguin earns the dunce cap this week for his patchy, pencil-thin growth. Sure, he’s young, and at 19 I was proud just to have a few whiskers (I still am), but this is the big leagues, kid. We have little time for your excuses.

Torrey Mitchell

May 18 - April 6

With the draft now one month away, we’re beginning to believe that growing ability is a central requirement in the Sharks’ scouting philosophy. This certainly influenced the drafting of Devin Setoguchi in 2005 with Anze Kopitar still on the board.