So it seems that True North Sports & Entertainment won’t announce the name of the new Winnipeg hockey team until the 13,000 season tickets they need to sell are sold. While they probably don’t need to give the fans in Winnipeg any additional inspiration to buy tickets, you have to admit that this is a smart strategy. It’s a pretty good way to bribe the fans.
In fact, we hope it catches on with the rest of the National Hockey League. It could make things very interesting.
How interesting? This is how we imagine it.
The Pittsburgh Penguins would finally announce the truth behind the severity of Sidney Crosby’s concussion issues. Of course, they would only do so after a majority of fans of the league’s 29 other teams sign sworn statements that they believe Sidney Crosby is the best hockey player in the world. That would obviously mean that we would never know the truth about Crosby’s concussion.
Alex Burrows would admit that he actually did bite Patrice Bergeron, but only after the Vancouver Canucks were handed the Stanley Cup, he was given the Conn Smythe Trophy and referee Stephane Auger was sent to a small, barren island to live out the rest of his days in solitude.
Sticking with the Stanley Cup Final, Tomas Kaberle would come out as a double agent and immediately bribe the Boston Bruins. He would promise to become an effective player, both even strength and on the power play, on the condition that the Bruins trade Tyler Seguin to the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Gary Bettman would finally admit that he really does hate Canada, Canadians and everyone who has ever even been to Canada for a period of more than five days at a time. He would only agree to admit this on the condition that Jim Balsillie buys an iPhone.
Bruce Boudreau would admit to pretty much anything in exchange for a case of Haagen-Dazs.
Similar to the Winnipeg situation, the New York Islanders will agree to shoot Mike Milbury out of a cannon if they can sell 13,000 season tickets by the end of June.
In an even more similar idea, the Phoenix Coyotes would also set a benchmark of 13,000 season tickets. If they hit that level, they would force Paul Bissonnette to change his name to “Winnipeg Jets.”
Jonathan Toews would agree to never grow anything resembling facial hair ever again on the condition that the Detroit Red Wings fold as a franchise. Somewhat surprisingly, the Red Wings would agree.
Jaromir Jagr will agree to stop spreading rumours about returning to the NHL if Alex Kovalev agrees to stop spreading rumours that he played in the NHL last year.