In today’s Dump and Chase we mentioned that the City of Vancouver will be relighting the Olympic torch in order to “ignite some magic for the Vancouver Canucks”. We thought that the Canucks and their fans would be pretty “ignited” about having a 2-0 series lead in the Stanley Cup Final, but apparently it’s going to take some serious symbolism to get them over the hump.
We imagine that tonight, in Boston, the Canucks will be struggling in the third period and they’ll think “Hey guys, the Olympic torch is lit up back in Vancouver! Maybe we should try to win this game!” and then they’ll go out and score five goals.
That’s the kind of inspiration that this symbol brings.
Of course, being the forward-thinking group that we are, we didn’t want to stop at just relighting the torch. No, we’re taking it a few steps further and coming up with some other ways to keep the Canucks inspired.
- In order to encourage the team to win tonight, the Canucks management could hang this jersey up in the locker room and threaten the team with its return if the Canucks lose tonight. Of course, this isn’t the only jersey they could use. There are a number of awful jerseys in Canucks history that would work just as well.
Faced with the prospect of wearing any of these embarrassments if they lose, the Canucks will never even trail in a hockey game again out of fear.
- In another Olympic tie in, the Canucks will be promised refreshing post-game beers if they can win tonight. We hope that this celebration will be enjoyed, like Jon Montgomery’s beer drinking after a win and not criticized, like the women’s hockey team’s beer drinking after a win.
- While we’re at it, we just got that “I Believe” song out of our heads after the 2010 Olympics. Perhaps drilling that back into our brains will remind us of the glory of victory and cause the Canucks to be victorious.
- We don’t care about his controversial exit from Vancouver. All we know is that a Pavel Bure highlight video is enough to inspire anyone to accomplish anything. Clips of Bure playing for Vancouver should be aired on a loop in the Canucks dressing room.
- The team could put a tiny monkey in an even tinier Canucks jersey and then have that monkey…. what? It’s already been done? Well, then. Carry on.
- We’d also like to see “Vancouver Boob Girl” show up before the game to deliver an inspiring pre-game speech/flash to the team that will guide them to victory. We imagine the eloquent discourse would be a lot like Herb Brooks’ “Miracle” speech… but with more boobs.
- Maybe the coaches will remind the Canucks of that big silver, shiny trophy that they’re competing for and that will be enough to inspire them. No? Well then bring on the symbolism!