Free agency isn’t quite here yet, and Max Talbot stopped trending in Canada, but Jagr Watch continues. We’ve seen turtles, an actual physical sighting of Jagr at the airport before his sudden and tragic disappearance, and we’ve heard word that he may be conspiring with Carmen Sandiego to steal the Egyptian Pyramids, if that’s even possible.

As you can tell, this has become a charade and an international game of Where’s Waldo? It’s led to the dismantling of the Internet over a 39-year-old player whose 66 goals in Europe during the last three seasons may or may not make the trip across the pond.

But we forge ahead with the sonar stations we’ve set up in various secret locations around the continent. Eventually Jaromir Jagr will play hockey again, and let’s pray for the people of Pittsburgh if he doesn’t choose to do it there.

On with the madness…

Rob Rossi of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review successfully established that Jagr is indeed alive, and that he’s currently located somewhere in New York. Watch out for Glen Sather, Jaromir, the Ranger Way surges through his veins.

Jagr’s agent Petr Svoboda made the kind of obvious, vague statement to Rossi that agents are paid to make.

Svoboda said he was scheduled to speak with Penguins general manager Ray Shero shortly. This was around 9:20 a.m.

“We are going to exchange some things,” Svoboda said, adding that he would also speak with Detroit and Montreal about Jagr.

“This is obviously a tough decision for Jaromir. His heart is in Pittsburgh.”

Penguins general manager Ray Shero set a deadline of Wednesday for Jagr to make a decision on a reported one-year offer around the $2 million range, a deadline that passed without any definitive word from Jagr’s camp. Mario Lemieux told the Tribune that the parameters of a deal to have Jagr return next season were in place, a report that Svoboda didn’t confirm or deny.

Svoboda then said a decision will be made on Thursday. Tomorrow he’ll say a decision will be made Friday, and Saturday he’ll say a decision will be made on Saturday. Then on Sunday Jagr will return to the KHL. We’re now beginning to think those airport turtles have a better chance of playing for Pittsburgh next year.

ESPN’s Scott Burnside indicated that Jagr also has similar one-year offers from both the Montreal Canadiens and the Detroit Red Wings, with all three teams still playing the waiting game. One loosely sourced report likely emanating from a street vendor in the Czech Republic with a HAM radio pegged Detroit as the front runner. Step back from that ledge, Pittsburgh.

Don’t worry though, because we’re pretty sure that anyone employed by a Czech newspaper is hireable after they pass an extensive test which requires the intricate drawing of stick men. That same outlet is also reporting that 12 teams–and not a far more realistic and reasonable three–are in the running for Jagr (link is in native tongue, so crack out your Google translate or just learn how to speak Czech right now). At the foundation of this lunacy is Svoboda’s incomprehensible need to drag out this process, presumably to generate interest and perhaps create a bidding war for a player who last played an NHL game four years ago.

Meanwhile, Twitter has been the place to lose all work productivity on Jagr Watch, which seems appropriate during the afternoon prior to a long weekend. So we can thank Jagr for that at least, I guess.

Here’s just a small sampling of the latest insanity on the Twitter: