The odds of restricted free agent defenceman Keith Yandle getting pried away from the Coyotes were on par with a HOTH contributor landing a date with Kate Upton.

Now those already slim odds have sunk to zero after Phoenix signed the 24-year-old defenceman to a five-year contract reportedly worth $26.25 million.

An official announcement was made by Coyotes GM Don Maloney late Tuesday afternoon. Maloney called Yandle “an elite player and one of the game’s best young defenseman,” and said that securing the point man who set career highs in assists (48) and points (59) while finishing third in defensive scoring was a clear priority.

Yandle also emerged as a premier powerplay presence, with 26 of his points coming with the opponent short-handed. Combined with veteran Michal Rozsival who was acquired by the Coyotes in January prior to the trade deadline, Maloney now has two efficient puck-moving defencemen signed for next year, with Rozsival slated to become a UFA next summer. Consequently, Phoenix also has $10.3 million committed to two defenceman for next year.

Yandle is likely sitting on a beach somewhere right now and sipping a drink that requires the use of a tiny umbrella. With total disregard for our masculinity, we’d be doing the same if we just received a handsome raise more than doubling our current yearly salary. This year a young and blossoming Yandle cost the Coyotes $1.3 million against the cap, and next year a still young and still blossoming Yandle tips the scales at $5.3 million.