We are now in the dog days of free agency. These are the days when you spend 20 minutes of your life thinking about where Bryan McCabe may play next year before realizing exactly what you’re doing. Yes, it’s that time of summer already.

However, thanks to the HUGE inside access that we here at House of the Hockey are given, we can provide a bit more than guesses and speculation about the free agents that currently do not have contracts. Yes, the world has been wondering what free agents like McCabe, Ruutu, Leclaire and others are doing right now and we’ve got that scoop!

So what’s our pal Bryan up to? Well, it looks like he’s in bed in his pajamas, staring off into the distance. His gaze is no doubt fixed upon a cell phone that just doesn’t seem to ring. Well, buck up Bryan! It’ll ring one day and when it does it hopefully won’t be the Islanders calling.

But a depressed Bryan McCabe isn’t all we have for you today! No way! There’s more!

Hey Pascal Leclaire, what are you doing in that hardware store? Looking for glue to repair your brittle, brittle bones? That makes sense. What’s that? You’re also trying to find out if you can somehow strengthen your body and avoid injury by using steel, lumber and duct tape? Good luck with that!

Also, we’ve noticed that you’re wearing your helmet. Given your ability to injure yourself in pretty much all situations, that’s probably a good decision. Have fun!

Oh Mike Modano, we wish that you would have retired as a member of the Dallas Stars too! Unfortunately, spending your entire summer hanging out in their locker room isn’t going to resolve anything. Quite frankly, it’s a little creepy.

Please retire.

Jarkko Ruutu has gotten himself in trouble with biting before, so we’re not surprised to see that he’s taken his talents to competitive eating. We are, however, a little surprised to see that Alex Burrows isn’t coaching Ruutu in this activity. Also, we have to admit that we’re a little worried about Ruutu’s chances in his competition, since Kyle Wellwood is also a free agent.

(You probably thought we were going to take the high road and avoid the obvious “Wellwood is fat” joke when you saw that it was Ruutu eating the hot dogs, didn’t you? Well you were wrong! There are no high roads here!)

Finally, here is Chris Campoli torturing himself by watching the Canucks score the series winning goal in overtime in round one against the Blackhawks. Over and over and over again. For months.

We’re not sure how to break it to him that no matter how many times he watches it, the result will always be the same. He’s been at it since April, so he’s got to get tired soon, right? We are glad to see that he’s wearing a helmet though. At least it will protect him from serious injury when he bangs his head against the wall every time Burrows scores.

Enjoy the offseason guys!