The addition of twitter to our daily hockey viewing has, in general, been an absolute delight. Heck, it’s made every event better – when a show like the Oscars ends up being horrible, it’s often saved by the comedy coming from your twitter feed.

One of the only downfalls of that is, not everyone is cut out for writing jokes, including myself. Buuut, we try anyway.

Sometimes people knock it out of the park, and others they whiff so badly that they do the screw-themselves-into-the-ground follow-through. Either way, it’s fun to watch people swing their hardest.

The problem is, when the issue of the day involves certain topics, it’s TOO easy. It’s batting practice, with big meatballs coming right down the middle of the plate, so people don’t try as hard. I’m sure you’ve found yourself reading a slew of tweets and going “ehh, too easy, just too easy.”

So, I give you the Top 5 “too easy” players to abuse (which doesn’t in any way imply you should stop), in the hopes that when these guys come down the pike, we can all remember to still take a good, hard cut, and hopefully hit a few more long homeruns. Or at least a few less lazy flyballs.

We can all learn from our friend Down Goes Brown.


Honorable mention:

Just missing the cut were Montreal Canadiens “short” jokes, and Nikolai Khabbyboozin’ ones.

These are easy (and often funny), but still nowhere near as easy as….

#5 Patrick Kane + cabbies

Any time Patrick Kane is in the news you can best bet a few cabbie jokes will find their way into your feed. At least it earned him the stellar nickname “20 cent,” referring to the amount of change that started the incident with the driver. And I mean, c’mon, we got that picture out of the deal.

Apparently the man isn’t afraid to party.

“Hm, why do I hear “Jaws” music…

4. Matt Cooke + head shots, all things evil

Like Kane, the default jokes on Cooke are well deserved. While most guys end up being known for one incident, Cooke became an easy topic thanks to his solid body of work (though usually he skips the body” and goes to work on the head. HA!), which means we actually get to enjoy doling out some verbal cheap shots on him.

 But, he’s changed, folks. This year he’s a goal scorer, or whatever.

3. Alex Burrows + biting

When Alex Burrows undeniably bit Patrick Bergeron (well, undeniable unless you contemplate suspending him for it) in the Stanley Cup finals last year, he took himself from notorious pest to having fingers mentioned in every tweet that involves him in any way, shape or form. Hell, even the Bruins took the easy jokes on the ice. Just look at the picture at the top of this post.

2. Rick DiPietro + fragility

Rick was the obvious inspiration for this morning’s post. I mean, good god, you couldn’t glance at your feed without seeing some variation of the “guy can’t catch a break….just fractures” meme. The worst part was…it was really funny. This is one of those strange crossover ones, where the easy jokes are still (barely) holding on to funny.

But, you gotta feel a little bad for Rick at this point. He’s hurt, and some folks brought their A game on him this morning.

And of course….

1. Kyle Wellwood + the opposite of skinny

From a chat thread, by Kings_of_Anarchy

This one’s the best/easiest for the simple fact that he’s not fat, thereby eliminating any need to feel bad about the jokes, while still wholly enjoying getting to carve the guy up. Again, for essentially nothing. It’s become a joke for jokes sake, turning around on itself and creating some sort of comedy wormhole.

Unfortunately, it’s also commonly found in the laziest of lazy jokes, tacked on to the end of damn-near every mention of a doughnut out there. Still – I wouldn’t lose it for the world.


I’m sure I’m missing a few, am I not? Are there any other NHLers that belong on our “too easy, just too easy” list?

Comments (12)

  1. Avery is someone that has a reputation and makes him an easy target. Although its hard to say what avenue someone attacks him verbally on, there seem to be a lot.

  2. Dany Heatley didn’t get x he’s going to ask for a trade

    ie. Hey Dany, you didn’t get time on the Powerplay are you going to ask for a trade?
    Hey Dany, You’re not on the top line are you going to ask for a trade?
    Hey Dany, That guy didn’t pass you the puck are you going to ask for a trade?

    In unrelated Dany Heatley news, it’s been verified that you can hear me booing Dany everywhere in the upper bowl at the Job every time he touches the puck.

  3. Alex Burrows … not Max Lapierre


  4. That was quick … well done.

    Lapierre doesn’t stop chirping long enough to bite down!

  5. The quickness with the fat jokes upon Wellwood’s simple stumble last night on the breakaway was both impressive and hilarious at the same time.

    Easily the best moment of the night.

  6. I generally feel pretty bad for DiPietro when he gets banged up, but this really should be the last hurrah for those old-school goalie helmet combos. The one place where those things CANNOT take a puck is right dead center above the mask, and it turns out that that spot is covering a pretty important part of your head. I know goalies need to see well, and they get pretty attached to their headgear, but it’s just statistics — face enough shots (no pun intended) and sooner or later you’re gonna get drilled there.

  7. You could probably have done this entire post on the Canucks (Burrows, Luongo, Salo, The Sedins, Bieksa, Lappy).

    You know Di Pietro is fragile when Salo doesn’t even get a mention!

  8. Hah, I’m definitely guilty of a good-humored “faaah-tty, faah-tty!” cheer every time Wellwood does anything impressive.

  9. I submit Matt Cooke as the “Number One Player That Anyone Associated With the Game of Hockey Should Despise With Every Fiber of Their Being.” A guy like Burrows is a pain in the arse, for sure. But there was at least some comedy relief in the fallout of him treating Bergeron’s finger like a Jimmy Dean sausage link. There is nothing humorous about Cooke’s game. Honestly, this guy’s history suggests there is something seriously wrong with how he’s wired. Why the need to hurt guys and put careers in peril?


    Among some of the things I find noteworthy:
    *How did this guy escape significant supp discipline from the NHL for so long? Why did it take until last year’s playoffs for him to finally rack up a lengthy suspension? The odd isolated incident can happen to anyone at any time. But this guy has pulled the same crap (head shots, knee-on-knee, etc) over and over throughout his career. Honestly, there is something wrong with how this guy is wired.
    *More surprising, how has this guy escaped “Old West” vigilante justice for so long?
    *Guys that cheap-shot and then turtle or fail to answer the bell deserve anything that comes their way. I find it interesting that Cooke always has had teammates willing to jump in and fight his battles for him. Especially considering that Cooke endangers the very guys that protect him by putting them at risk for retribution by proxxy.

    *I was at a game in 2004, I believe, when Cooke speared Matt Johnson right in the gut, and then ran away the length of the ice like a little girl. Moose certainly wasn’t in the league for his skating ability, and by the time he caught up with Cooke, the zebras had hit the scene. Funny how Cooke suddenly wanted to engage Moose and start jawing as soon as he had the zebras keeping him safe.
    *I lost a lot of respect for the Pens color guy (Errey, perhaps? I’m not sure) for justifying some of these cheap-shots by Cooke
    *I will lose a lot of respect for Mario Lemieux if he doesn’t cut Matt Cooke when, not if, his next transgression happens in a Penguins uni.

    *Side note- The Tyutin video is a good example of how guys need to protect themselves by staying out of vulernable postiions. I will never understand why guys go into the boards at a perpendicular angle, leaving themselves so open to being destroyed. Guys have to do a better job of protecting themselves. Furthermore, it would be nice to see USA Hockey take up the flag on this and work with kids at the youth level, teaching them the importance of protecting themselves and recognizing that it’s incumbent on each player to keep him or her self out of vulnerable spots on the ice. I’m not defending those that feel the need to drill a defenseless player from behind, but guys need to take the necessary measures to protect themselves at all times.

    Finally, here is as close as I can get to enjoy seeing someone get KTFO’d. From April 10, 2010:

  10. Wysh absolutely killed it yesterday with his DP headline- ‘Rick DiPietro out with concussion; will miss next injury’

  11. I think it’s safe to add to the list:

    1) James Wisniewski vs felacio
    2) Dr Mark Recci
    3) Dan Ellis money problems
    4) Sami Salo vs very odd injuries

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