If you’re interested in watching a terrible offensive play, skip to the 3:25 mark of the video below.

Vladimir Sobotka picks up the puck in his own zone, and races through the neutral zone on a 2-on-1. He stays wide against the boards, then stays wide against the boards, then stays wide against the boards and comes in for as harmless a shot as you can hope for if you’re defending.

That’s just not threatening – on 2-on-1′s you want to narrow the ice. Ideally, both guys should be inside the dots. That way you’re a threat to shoot, and it’s easier to bait the d-man into making a play on you so you can slide the puck over to your linemate. This below….not sure what that is.

Yeesh.

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You can’t actually see it in the video below (but you can watch the goal anyway for kicks), but just before Alex Steen scores this goal, he had broken his stick, skated by the bench and grabbed a new one in a hand off.

For those of you who don’t know the procedure involved in the hand off:

Each player has 3-4 sticks taped up and numbered (or ranked, in order of which one they like best based on very minor discrepancies). When a guy breaks a stick, it’s the job of the players on the bench to yell, and get the message to the trainer “Stick!” “Steen!” “Left shot!” “#22″ or whatever gets the job done. If the stickless player is a ways from the bench, the equipment guy who stands by the sticks will quickly grab the appropriate one, and pass it off.

If there isn’t enough time for that, the left handed players will stick their own over the bench for the hand-off.

From the looks of this goal, I’d say Steen got his own handed off to him. (27 second mark.)

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I don’t think there’s a player in the history of the NHL that I’ve liked and disliked so much at the same time as Jaromir Jagr.

I love to watch him play.

I hate his black Tuuks.

I can’t believe he’s so skilled at that size.

I hate his salute.

I like the salute.

His mullet bothered me.

Man is he good.

And then this. I may have to officially hate him. Ice-banging stick taps to call for the pass? What is this, rec league? I mean, call for the damn puck. (25 second mark.)

The only worse than banging your stick for a pass (in my opinion, of course), is doing it when your opponent has the puck to “trick” the guy.

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The highlight of last night is at the 2:25 mark of the video below. Again, Duchene’s skating. How slick is this kid’s footwork?

“Wait, which way did he go?”

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And here’s a little bonus treat, complete with a few great hits. Enjoy.