Proof that goaltenders make a lot of bad decisions

Bobby Goepfert is goaltending for the DEG Metro Stars in the DEL these days (for more info on Bobby, check out his first piece for us, in which he takes offense to me being all for goalie abuse).

When you leave college and start playing professionally, the amount of down time seems mind-boggling. Being without a car in an unfamiliar city as Goepfert is must really pile on the available hours.

At least we know what he’s been using it for. Here’s GeffMan, asking the hard-hitting questions on TV.

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After grinding out years in the minors and now being on a European tour, I can tell you that the lifestyle of a pro hockey player away from the rink isn’t as glamorous as one may think. Given, I’ve never spent a day in the NHL besides my two week training camp (my first year pro) where I pulled my groin on day two. I spent the rest of the camp biking next to JS Giguere as he recovered from his hernia surgery. (I was in awe, and became socially awkward during our conversations. Perhaps that’s a story for another blog.)

“Geffs, stretch my calves for me, bud?”

The schedules are normally pretty light during the season. Practice in the morning, then you are pretty much done by the early afternoon. Here in Germany, I only get two english channels, so my TV consumption is mainly TV shows, DVDs and the movies.

Now most of you are thinking, “why not bounce around and check out the sights or travel?” Well for one, this year I didn’t ask the team to provide me with a car, as I’m centrally located and the inner New Yorker in me doesn’t mind walking around…though grocery shopping is a pain.

And second, I enjoy my down time. I enjoy relaxing, getting away from the stresses of the job and getting lost in a show or movie. Though I do find myself developing a hermit lifestyle and becoming somewhat of a recluse ala the Grinch, sitting atop his mountain with his dog. But the Grinch didn’t have a flat screen, multiple seasons of great television series and movies as he peered out his balcony, bothered by the joy everyone else in Who-Ville was having with their daily activities.

I have seen so many series and movies that for this blog I thought I would rant about some things in movies or shows I have watched that have irked me and left me with unanswered questions. I have posted some of these on Twitter, so if you are reading them again, then they weren’t answered. There will be no rhyme or reason to this next rant.

1) 24: Why are Jack Bauer’s theories and methods questioned? The guy gets results and pretty much single-handedly brings down terrorist plot after terrorist plot despite the constant change in leadership. It seems every 7 hours, CTU has a new asshole commander. And when does he pee or eat? I would love just a small shot of JB, like in those four screened shots they do, in the top right at McD’s just mowing down a Big Mac.

2. Signs: You’re telling me this intelligent alien life form invades earth which is 80% water (didn’t fact check that one but it has to be close to 80 right?) not knowing that A) it is 80% water and B) that water kills them. I’ll tell you one thing, somebody on the Alien Research and Development team got fired. And I’ll tell you a second thing. Joaquin Phoenix swings a baseball bat like a middle school girl. And for the minor league home run leader, he really choked up on that bat, so much so that I thought he was going to sacrifice bunt the Alien. Enough M. Knight….

3. Lord of the Rings: Couldn’t Gandolf summon one of those eagles that picked up Frodo and Sam at the end and SEND them on their backs to Mordor and destroy the ring in the first place? And if everyone else in Middle Earth knows how to destroy the ring, I assume Sauron does too. You would think he would put some guards around the one place that destroys the ring. Or at least a periodic gaze every minute over there to check it out. And can we talk about how many chicks Legolas probably got in Rivendell? Geffman-esque….

4. House: Why is it never Lupus? Every episode it seems Lupus is always a possibility, but it never is. You can always bank on House’s first 3 guesses being wrong too.

5. Paranormal Activity: Everyone has secrets. I get it. But it takes a real bitch of a person not to tell your boyfriend before you move in with him that a demon has been following you since you were six. I don’t know when that conversation would come up, probably a deal breaker, but it is a conversation that needs to be had none the less. And honestly, if I am filming my house and get footage of my girlfriend standing at the foot of the bed from 1am-4am, rocking back and forth in a trance, I am gone like the wind. Call me heartless, call me all the names in the book, but no chance that relationship works out. 10 minutes after I see that footage, I am on a beach somewhere with a pina colada in my hand having left a note with two words, “Good Luck.”

6. Sons of Anarchy: Jax, I know you have captured the hearts of the female population with your bad boy biker routine, but your “tough guy” walk needs work. Too much arm swaying and your strides are too long.

7. The Wicker Man: Where’s my refund?

I can go on and on – my TV addiction might be something that needs looking into – but I do have an editor (@jtbourne) that is a stickler for my word count. I hope you enjoyed reading, and feel free to add some of your “irks”, “questions,” or “peeves.”

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UPDATE: Apparently, GeffMan wasn’t alone in asking that question about Lord of the Rings. That website tries to explain why the below video apparently wasn’t possible: