The work environment for a hockey player is a little different from that of your average worker. But like your average worker, they too have some minor annoyances.

Maybe you work in an office where someone plays their music juuust a little too loud (like Milton in Office Space). Maybe your desk is next to someone who eats curried shrimp and tuna sandwiches for lunch, daily. Maybe you want to punch both of those people.

While those people live in ignorant bliss, the rest of us suffer. Well, hockey teams have those people too. Here’s a list of the guys who are somehow unaware that they’re “that guy.”

Guy who jumps in the short skate line

Yes, it’s all pics of Kings pracky today

In a number of drills, one player will have to go to the far blue line to pick up the puck, while another player will leave a different line and only have to cut the short blue. There’s a huge number of variations of this, where one line has to skate more than the other.

“That guy” in this case constantly finds the short line, leaving you to go long, every time. Infuriating.

Not surprisingly, this is the same guy who finds the line with the most people in it during bag skates to minimize his turns.

Guy who does nothing but shoot pucks at your steel in skate-around

Before every practice, teams mindlessly do the same counter-clockwise laps to start to warm-up. You pass the puck to the other side in the neutral zone, attempt to go bar-down on every shot, chat with teammates, stretch.

Unfortunately, every team has the guy who rifles pucks at your skates constantly, and has zero interest in actually warming up. This guy is supremely annoying.

If he gets you as you’re turning, down you go. If he gets you flush, your steel might break.

I’m all for a few cute warning shots in good-hearted fun, but geezus buddy it’s over.

Guy who asks 20 questions about the drill instead of going to the back (right away) and watching

“So I go to the far blue and pick up the puck?


“Where am I passing it?”

“That line, to Smitty”

“And then you just curl back and come on a 2-on-1?”

“No, then you’re moving it to the d-man who’s jumped out, you’ll regroup and take a 2-on-1 the other way.”

“That way?”


Guy who breaks the “let’s not kill each other” unspoken truce in battle drills

During certain practices, you’re asked to pair up, and protect the puck inside the circle from the other guy. Or you’re battling down low. Or you’re battling….wherever.

In practice, you often skate as hard as you can. But you never go max out on the physical stuff, idiot.

So there you are, going through the motions when your partner has the puck, poking for it, pushing, trying to get it without trying to get it. Then on your turn, dude who acts like a rabid pitbull, cross-checking you and trying as hard as he can? Man, why don’t you get it like everyone else?

Guy at the front of the line after a “tough to grasp” drill was explained who books it to the back right before he’s supposed to go, leaving you in the role of drill-wrecker

I’ve written about drill wreckers before here. I personally don’t mind being near the front of the line if I only kinda-sorta get a drill – once I see someone do it once, it’ll confirm what I thought (or I’ll figure it out), and I’m good to go.

The guy who’s been napping during the explanation, then asks you “what are we doing?” right before it’s time to start, then heads to the back of the line can eff right off.

Then you have the awkward stand-around after the whistle blows, and coach snaps. Now you’re that guy.

Guy whose asthma only acts up during bag skates, never games

We’re on to you.

Guy who’s mad at his line that day (after a demotion) so he doesn’t try, insulting his linemates who were happy to have him

You’re on the 2nd or 3rd line (often tough to tell which is which), and you come to the rink that morning to see lines have changed (by the colour of jersey in each stall). You’re pumped to get a 1st line guy, whether he’s been struggling or not, and figure if you can get a few games with that guy you could snare a few extra points and help yourself out. You’re on a more important line now.

Turns out the 1st line guy is in full pout mode, won’t be F1 on the forecheck, and drags your line down, which makes you look worse. Brutal.

Guy checking out his style in the glass

This guy will have his tongues out, practice jersey sleeves pulled up so the elbow pads hold them in place, chinstrap undone, and gum in.

He takes full advantage of glass being somewhat reflective. What an ass.

Guy who won’t give up his spot in rebound when a lot of guys want to play

“Rebound” is the game every team ever plays after practice, and is best with five guys and a goalie. Seven guys max.

This guy “was there first,” like some kid on a playground, and no matter how many games go by, he leaves the guys waiting for a spot to open up to play keep-away in the neutral zone for 15 minutes like jerks.

(These are grown men, and this shit actually happens.)

Oh, and there’s one more….

Can’t stop playing with the pucks while coach is talking guy

Yep. That’s me.

Comments (24)

  1. The guy I find annoying is the “can’t aim but still takes slap shots in warm ups guy” who is closely related to the “pucks at your steel guy” except instead of putting pucks in the foot, he puts them up around your head, chest, etc.

    He is also the guy who freaks out anytime anyone touches him with a puck.

  2. Kids start young with the messing with pucks while the coach is talking.

    There is one kid on my son’s Squirt team…..

  3. Loved this. Also the people who spend 10 minutes sitting on the bench completely retying their skates with ridiculous looks of concentration on their faces during heavy-skating drills (variation on #1 and the asthma guy.)

  4. Great post Bourne, sure brings back some memories…How about guy standing next to you as coach explains a drill who is afraid to speak up so keeps quietly asking you to explain things he doesn’t understand. Then you end up getting in shit for not listening

  5. bakes, exaaactly. “Oh man, my lace snapped!”

    berns, it’s BIZARRE how guys are still afraid to speak up like they’re in a class at school.

  6. Rebound, didn’t know it had a name. I always feel bad for the goalie in that one, a bunch of guys trapping you in a tight space, slapping repeatedly at your legs and feet is a nightmare for me. Think it comes from having two older brothers who were assholes.

    I was definitely the guy who asked too many questions, because I hate screwing up in front of everyone

  7. Who practices?…….

  8. am i the only one who actualy liked practice? obviously not the bag skating, but i honeslty enjoyed everything else

  9. I hate people who are never in position and screen me

  10. when defense shoot clappers as hard as they can in a blocking shots drill

  11. The new american kid that tapes his ankles, ties his skates around the tounge, and calls everyone else on the rink a bender.

  12. # 8 has my name all over it. First few laps around the rink im checking out my setup in each corner. Warmups during games too,

    Hey ya gotta look good!

  13. Disagree with the don’t kill someone in battle drills. If you’re a bubble player you earn I’ve time in practice. You have to compete and go 100%. Yes you don’t cross check and head hunt. But I’m gonna run you over if I can

  14. I hate is when the asswipe that won’t alsto shooting pucks at you when the drill is over, when the drill is going on, when your stretching, and when coach Is talking

  15. Be honest Justin…You did the 20 questions thing once or twice just to annoy the shit out of your coach.

  16. I don’t have asthma… I have … a heart condition! Yeah. Heart attack, could drop dead. I’m old, ya know, it happens. Gotta be heart smart. I’ll see ya after the bag skate.

    (Of course, being old, fat, and in a rec league means that when there are practices, since we’re all paying to be there, we can usually get away with flat out blowing off a drill we don’t like.)

  17. Pure gold JB, gold.

  18. checkin out your swag in the glass as you skate by. classic

  19. I’m with bardo. Every minute of ice time is to be thoroughly enjoyed.

  20. yeah whats the deal with guys chewing gum during practice and games? i have seen so many guys doing it

  21. during warmup for your goalie instead of firing few shots to get him used to puck buddy automatically comes down and dekes, or worse. fake shot and then deke. Or buddy who celebrates when they score in warmup. another one for the boys iss taking shots from the line when goalie is completely looking other way to face the real shot.

  22. The guy that always manages to shoot the puck at you or spray you when you’re down on the ice stretching during warmups!

  23. Great stuff.

    My favourite is the kids that played in a higher league last year (eg. travel, etc), was cut this year, and is playing house, but somehow thinks he can coast now. DUDE! You were CUT!

  24. Dlnt forget the guy who goes straight to practicing his breakaway moves before the goalie is warmed up

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *