Lindy Ruff, after getting accidentally leg-swept by Leopold. Explanation within.

While Systems Analyst, The Whiteboard and Beerability have entrenched themselves as steady features on Backhand Shelf (on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday respectively), I’ve yet to lock down a fun Monday feature. Thus, a new one is born.

For those of you who weren’t able to catch all the news from the weekend that was, and want to get back on top of things for the week ahead (especially before the night’s games), I give you One-touch passes: your mid-Monday catch-up. We’ll share everything you need to know from around the NHL, and include all the best hockey stories from around the ’net in an old Bourne’s Blog format where we touch on a lot of things quickly, and pass you off somewhere else if you care to go in-depth.

And of course, I’ll be sure to include all the fun stuff that’s not-so-newsworthy, like our first item.

Let’s get to ‘er.

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As you may have guess from 24/7, Brian Boyle is a Massachusetts kid. Thus, he’s a fan of the New England Patriots.

Well, he lost a bet on that game to a Giants fan, one Brandon Prust. From our friends over at Pro Hockey Talk, enjoy: 

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Good news! Sidney Crosby is back skating with the team. Bad news! He says his status in unchanged.

Basically, he doesn’t like skating by himself, and the other injured guys were getting healthy enough to practice with the team, so he figured he’d join the party. This seems a little more logical to me than the common thought process “Oh, you’re concussed and kinda depressed? Try skating alone and shooting pucks into a sad, empty net.”

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More from Pro Hockey Talk: Luca Sbisa of the Anaheim Ducks was talking on his cellphone while riding his beach cruiser bike in Newport Beach (why yes, I would like to play for the Anaheim Ducks, thank you for offering), hit a curb and double-bounced his face off the concrete. He’s okay, which leaves us morally clear to play the following clip:

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Ilya Kovalchuk fought Braydon Schenn this weekend, which helped him complete the Gordie Howe Hatrick. Kovalchuk gets pigeon-holed into that “Euro” skill guy mold, but lets not forget he’s 6’2″ 230lbs. Here’s video of him landing a knee-buckling right on Schenn.

Kovalchuk also has 50 points in 47 games this year, 22 of which are goals. So y’know…he’s earning that paycheck right now. Well, as much as a guy feasibly can, anyway.

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The Senators are free-falling. Their last win came seven games ago on January 19th, and on Saturday night the Leafs put the boots to them with a 5-0 beatdown. They’ve played two more games than everyone in the Conference but Carolina (who’s in last), and they’re down to 7th, three points up on the Washington Capitals, who will inevitably catch them (they’re also one point ahead of Toronto, who’s in eighth). Winning cures everything, and right now, they need some W’s like the cast of Jersey Shore needs Z-Packs.

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Coaches are getting dinged-up all around the League in practice (okay, in two places), for some reason. At morning skate in Toronto, Oilers coach Tom Renney took a puck to the mind and needed stitches. And in Buffalo, Jordan Leopold accidentally pulled a leg-sweep on a backwards-skating Lindy Ruff (Leopold had been taken down during a drill), who’s status is still unknown. Sounds like he went down on his right arm pretty hard, but was fortunate enough to avoid hitting his head on the ice.

(Update: Ruff has three broken ribs. Guh that’s painful.)

And lastly…

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Tonight in NHL action: Detroit is in Phoenix, Calgary is in Anaheim, and the Oilers are in Toronto. The Leafs need every point they can get their grubby little mitts on right now, as a win leap-frogs them over Ottawa into 7th, and you have to get ahead knowing the Capitals aren’t about to miss playoffs. The Battle of Ontario: she is relevant this year!

And with that, you’re allllll caught up.