Yesterday news came out that Lebron James gets someone to cut his steak up for him at restaurants. Unfortunately in life there are two periods when this must be done for you: when you are a child, or when you are an elderly and can’t do it yourself; Lebron is neither! Of course when hilarious news like this goes public, twitter goes a little bit crazy and I noticed the responses fell into one of the three categories: Sarcastic (the lifeblood of twitter), surprised, and angry. I was stunned that people were surprised at the fact that Lebron had such a request. I wasn’t surprised for 2 reasons:
1) This was after all Lebron “Tomorrow they go back to the real world, They go back to their jobs and problems” James
2) I just assumed that most rich pro athletes have these silly spoiled quirks
Was I wrong to make this assumption? They have more money than they can spend, and have been pretty much been spoon fed since they turned pro. In my mind, this is a regular occurrence for most of these guys, and yes I am including hockey players. And since we don’t always hear about them, I am forced to make them up in my mind.
Paul Bissonnette employs a man to remember girl’s names- Macy, Lacey , Jaycee, Tracy, Stacey, they all start to sound the same after a few drinks. You can’t expect BizNasty to hit on girls, have a few drinks, tweet, AND remember those names do you? This guy’s job is to keep track of them all, and when Bissonnette forgets a girl’s name, whisper it into his ear.
Dustin Penner employs a syrup tapper-You have to be crazy to think that Penner smears his “delicious pancakes” with regular old Aunt Jemima. The last time he did that he injured his back. This guy’s job is to go out every day and tap fresh maple syrup and send it to LA.
Zdeno Chara employs a “watch out” guy- Let’s face it, the world is really not made for someone who is 6′ 9″. Ceilings and doorways are built for “regular people”. You can’t expect Chara to know when he does and doesn’t have to duck. This guy’s job is to follow Chara and whenever he could possible bump his head, say the words “Watch out”
Jason Spezza employs a “stop laughing” guy- There are few things in the world more awkward than Jason Spezza’s laugh and through numerous jokes from his friends; Spezza has finally become aware of it. This guy gets paid to stand beside Spezza and anytime his laugh gets out of control, he has to elbow him in the ribs to remind him that he is making people uncomfortable.
Scott Gomez employs a personal goal statistician – This may seem like a low blow to Gomez and that this guy has the easiest job in sports. One problem, he gets paid on commission
Sidney Crosby employs doctors to properly diagnose his injuries- no joke needed
And it’s not just active players who have these quirks….
Gary Roberts employs a personal trainer- Weird right?
Brian Burke employs a “tie picker”- When you are spending as much time in front of cameras as Burke does, you can’t be bothered to think about which tie would look best loosely done up with what suit. This guy gets a Christmas bonus for making the tie look extra mangled.
John Tortorella employs a consigliere- “Like a counsellor, an advisor. Very important for the family” – Michael Corleone. Just look at Torts, the guy HAS to be connected right? He coaches in New York for crying out loud.
Have more? Throw them into the comments
Let’s head to the links
Max Talbot is just a funny dude (Puck Daddy)
James O’Brien of Pro Hockey Talk wrote an interesting piece about teams giving their “best player” the C
Dirty Dangle’s Retro Fantasy Hockey feature looks at Ray Bourque’s numbers
Gabriel Landeskog should employ someone to check his tweets before he sends them out into the world (Barry Melrose Rocks)
The Sporting News breaks down the work Steve Yzerman has done prior to this year’s deadline
Bruins season ticket holders probably won’t like this story (Days of Y’Orr)
Dr Recchi has been extremely busy over the last few days (The Province)
So it looks like the Leafs MAY in the market for a goaltender! (Pension plan Puppets)
Who would you rather: Ovechkin or Malkin? Get your head out of the gutter sickos, I’m talking about hockey. (The Pen’s Blog)
Deadline day is this Monday, make sure you bookmark the Score’s Trade tracker to help you keep up
and I think they call this “paying the price”