If you didn’t spend yesterday all over your computer mauling the hockey interwebs like a grizzly would the salmon of Capistrano, you likely missed many, many bits of hockey news.

I realize that as editor of theScore’s hockey blog that it’s my job to keep you fully informed, so…here’s a comprehensive UFA Day recap. Everything that didn’t slip through the tight nets of the team over at NBC’s Pro Hockey Talk, anyway.

If you’d like a little elaboration on my quick thoughts, please, give the links a click and track down some more detail. And then, um, click the links to the stories they’ve linked to for the full story. Links for everyone!

So here is every headline they wrote on July 1st (AKA every piece of important news), the day unrestricted free agents were eligible to sign, complete with some of my commentary.

The big prizes (Zach Parise, Ryan Suter, Rick Nash, Roberto Luongo, etc. etc.), well, we’re still waiting for those balls to drop, so I’ll get to those when the news breaks today.

In chronological order from yesterday morning to last night…let’s get to it.

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Kypreos: Parise’s contract will be hugely front-loaded

Wwwwhut. Listen to these numbers:

Kypreos says that whoever signs Parise will have to dole out a 12 million dollar bonus before the season…and a second 12 million dollar bonus before the next season. As in, he’s looking at 24 shmill (before contract value) in about a year. Because that money all goes towards the salary cap, you know that A) the contract is going to be suuuuper long, and B) it’ll be for nickels in the final years.

I just can’t fathom asking for that much money with a straight face, or the fact that somebody is going to say “Kay, cool, here ya go.”

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Shane Doan will wait ’til July 9 to make his free agent decision

Basically, that’s the day potential Phoenix Coyotes’ owner Greg Jamison will find out if his bid for the team is about to bogged down in a haboob of slogging politics (a haboob is a desert sandstorm, by the way). If that’s going to be the case, Doaner will peace. out.

I admire the loyalty that he’s shown throughout his career, playing on mostly garbage teams until the last few years (and his first), but it’s time for this guy to have a legitimate shot at the Cup. And who wouldn’t love to have him? Total workhorse, leads by example, wouldn’t cost much more than four million a year (unless bidding makes things go haywire).

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Hurricanes lock up Jordan Staal for 10 years, $60 million

That’s the exact same offer the Penguins extended to him, which he turned down. I think that’s an incredibly low cap-hit for a 23 year old guy (holy shit, Jordan Staal is only 23?) who can put up points, use his big body, and just generally be an NHL star. And now he’ll have more opportunity, and maybe get to form the NHL’s second line of ginger-brothers!

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Oilers, Smyth agree on two-year, $4.5 million deal

I’m not wild about Smyth as a player anymore, but at that cap hit, I’d be happy to have him. One has to assume that he agreed to take less money to get the second year (though for some reason Ray Whitney didn’t seem to have to in Dallas…but I’m getting ahead of myself), and to stay in Edmonton. The last thing anyone wanted to see was him flee town again over a piddly $100k (piddly in NHL standards, anyway).

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Clemmensen re-ups with Florida

The Panthers back-up-slash-semi-starter Scott Clemmenson signing isn’t huge news, but the question is, what does it mean for a possible Roberto Luongo trade? Their other goalie, Jose Theodore, is still under contract for another season, so if Luongo is to get shipped to the Sunshine State, presumably one of them (like Theodore) could head back to Van as part of the deal to be not just a great back-up, but to relieve the new-found pressure on Corey Schneider.

Theodore has a no-trade clause I believe, but he’d still get a good share of games as a Canuck, and would have a great shot to win. Maybe he’d waive.

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This should solve everything: Flyers re-sign G Michael Leighton

Ahh, love the headline.

Realistically though in Philly: you’ve given the keys to Ilya Bryzgalov at this point. You’ve sunk a lot of money into your crease. So, Leighton’s an adequate tender (maybe that’s generous) who eliminates the possibility of any goalie controversy, and saves you money. Leighton’s deal is for one year and $900,000, and with Bobrovsky gone and the goalie market so thin…sure, why not.

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Gustavsson to Detroit: two years, $3 million

Okay, this is a tough one. At least Leighton has trekked through the Stanley Cup Playoffs all the way to the Finals.

Ken Holland made some moves that reminded me of C&C Music Factory yesterday – Things That Make You Go, Hmmmm…. - we’ll get to the others in a bit.

Gustavsson kept the GAA below three last season and his save percentage above .900, but barely. The season before, he missed both unimpressive benchmarks. But, he’s a big 28 year-old who’s shown flashes of potential (his AHL starts, time in the SEL), so he’s not the worst solution as a Jimmy Howard back-up. Some people have mentioned Mike Smith’s name as a comparable for how he could break out (especially playing in Detroit behind a good system…and maybe Ryan Suter!). And hey, maybe the pressure in Toronto toughened him up.

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Phoenix signs David Moss to two-year deal

Don Maloney, AKA the best GM in the NHL, is pretty savvy about finding guys with diminished value (perceived) that can still contribute. Moss has been hurt pretty consistently of late, but is finally fully healthy with plenty of summer to get things back together. Guys who get the rep as “injury-prone” don’t always stay that way. I laughed when the Rangers first signed Marian Gaborik, but he’s been fantastic for them. It’s possible that Moss will play well above his 2.1 million annual salary.

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Come to Pittsburgh, Crosby tells Parise

“The roughly 30 shmill I’m going to earn in the first 365 days? Appealing. But a call from Sid? Where’s the pen?”

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Third time’s the charm? Carolina signs Joe Corvo to one-year deal

The terms of the deal (one year, two million) are pretty awesome for a Carolina team trying to bag some big names this off-season. I’m just surprised Eric Cole didn’t beat him back there for a third visit.

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Chicago kicking the tires on Brodeur

A Brodeur team-switch would be among the wrongest wrongs that’s ever wronged. I hope this is just haggling for leverage. Don’t do it, Marty. (More on this later)

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Wild agree to terms with Zenon Konopka, Torrey Mitchell

I like the Konopka signing for the Wild – if, pray tell, they’re able to sign the coveted duo of both Ryan Suter and Zach Parise (I’ve seen it said it’ll either be both to MN, or Parise to Pittsburgh and Suter to Detroit), a guy like Konopka would be a solid depth player for them to round out the roster.

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Dallas signs Ray Whitney to two-year, $9 million deal

Woosh! That’s a lot of money to pay a 40 year old forward, but I’ll say it: I like that move by Dallas and Phoenix. The Coyotes weren’t going to offer that number, and if they were, they certainly wouldn’t go after the second year. But Whitney is a skilled little bastard, and with Dallas losing Ribiero, maybe he can pick up the slack in the talent department.

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Armstrong “pumped” to sign with Habs

What an awesome signing by the Habs. I know Armstrong had a tough year, but that he became so laughable to Leafs’ fans in the end was too bad. But, players tend to get viewed through the lens of their contract – if Habs’ fans do the same with his one-year, one million dollar lens, I’m willing to bet he’s received with a bit more warmth.

Not afraid to get vocal.

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Sharks sign Adam Burish to four-year deal

Human sandpaper, which should be a welcome commodity in the Shark Tank. Not a solution, but a good support guy.

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Boyes to Isles: one year, $1 million

I’m an Isles fan (bias!), but I still think this was the best bang-for-your-buck deal that was signed yesterday. Boyes signing a one-year deal makes sense for him - he has to prove he can do what he’s done in the NHL in the past after his last year or two, which have been suspect. He once scored 41 goals in a season, then followed it up by scoring 33. He’ll be hungry to produce, placed in a position to succeed (with PA Parenteau gone, he’ll probably see time with some high-talent guys), and likely be an absolute steal for NYI.

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Whoops: Avs announce Carkner signing, Carkner signs with Islanders

Wild got a little ahead of themselves there.

I also like this signing for the Isles. It seems crazy that he’ll out-earn Boyes, but their current d-corps includes guys like Mark Streit, Lubomir Visnovsky, and Andrew MacDonald, so I don’t mind having a tough guy that actually plays. Him and Hamonic are gonna hurt some people next season.

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Asham to Rangers: two years, $2 million

Tanner Glass signs two-year, $2.2 million deal with Pittsburgh

In with the old, out with the new for Pittsburgh. Glass is a younger player with a lower cap hit who’s afraid of roughly nothing. Nice job, Ray Shero.

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Panthers sign Kuba: two years, $8 million

???

/agent releases nude photos of Dale Tallon back to him, turns, exits alley

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Trade: Ottawa sends Nick Foligno to Columbus for Marc Methot

I saw a number of “Ottawa sends Nick Foligno down to the AHL” jokes after this trade was made, which is both funny and cruel. As a fan of a team who consistently gets laughed at/beaten down myself, I’m starting to feel for Columbus. And in that spirit: I think they made a good trade here. Foligno’s a player.

Great pic from LA’s Daily News

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Penner sticks with Kings: one year, $3.25 million

Love that Penner chose to stick around – he certainly could’ve gotten longer term from a number of places, but LA is giving him another shot to prove he’s better than he played last year, and he’s taking them up on it. Good stuff all around.

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Montreal spends large for Prust — four years, $10 million

I like Brandon Prust, and I’d like to have him on my hockey team. I even said prior to July 1st that I’d be happy to see the Isles sign him for two million bucks, maybe even for a couple years. This…this, I dunno. Colton Orr did the four-year “tough guy” thing, which didn’t pan out. Plus Prust isn’t exactly the type of bruiser who never gets hit when he fights – in four seasons, is he still going to want to be the guy who leads the NHL in fighting majors? ‘Cause once he stops scrapping… No thanks.

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Crosby’s contract breaks down as follows…

2013-14: $12 million
2014-15: $12 million
2015-16: $12 million
2016-17: $10.9 million
2017-18: $10.9 million
2018-19: $10 million
2019-20: $9 million
2020-21: $9.6 million
2021-22: $9 million
2022-23: $3 million
2023-24: $3 million
2024-25: $3 million

Why, those are almost Zach Parise dollars!

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Ponikarovsky off to Winnipeg on one-year, $1.8 million deal

Sometimes things happen and you get traded, but five teams in four years? That’s a problem.

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Panthers add enforcer Parros

He has to move from Anaheim to Sunrise, Florida? Tough life. (BTW, Parros is a beach bum that goes by the nickname “Zeus” according to my inside sources in Manhattan Beach, so I’m betting he’s pumped about his new home)

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Colorado makes splash, signs Parenteau for four years, $16 million

It’s easy to say that Parenteau’s success came from playing with John Tavares. While that may be partially true (a skill guy has to play with skill to succeed), once his confidence got pumping he made a lot of great plays on his own. In Colorado, he’ll get to play with Tavares’ draft comparable, Matt Duchene, so I think it’s likely he has continued success.

When you’re the Islanders and on a budget, not giving PA Parenteau “Mark Streit money” is a good call.

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Nash says thanks but no thanks to Sens

Howson apparently turned down an offer of Karlsson, Turris, and two first round picks.

(…Of course that’s not true, but with Howson, you at least flinched, didn’t you?)

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Blue Jackets bolster defense, sign Adrian Aucoin to one-year, $2 million deal

While we’re talking Howson: another nice deal for the Blue Jackets here. Aucoin is the type of solid player that struggling teams need for stability, and at that price, you can’t go wrong.

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Lightning sign Salo to two-year, $7.5 million deal

Boy, the Canucks lost Salo and Rome…I wonder if they have a plan in store that’ll appear later in the day to replace them?

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Leafs add PK specialist McClement

If you weren’t on Twitter when this broke, you missed a hilarious backpedal from Leafs fans that either started at “This guy is bad” or “This guy is good” that eventually regressed to “It appears this guy is okay” for everyone. Fun fact: since 2008, no player has lost most shorthanded faceoffs than McClement (785). (Courtesy @TheScoreTicker)

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Anaheim inks Bryan Allen: three years, $10.5 million

Nice job by Anaheim here – after losing Visnovsky, they needed some help on the backend. Allen’s a solid fit, and they got him for a reasonable price.

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Parise decision to come Monday

Why, that’s today!

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Wings stay busy, sign Tootoo to three-year, $5.7 million deal

While I wasn’t crazy about the two year, six million dollar contract they gave Mikael Samuelsson (another of the “Things That Make You Go Hmmm…” deals), I like this one. The Red Wings are never low on talent, so grabbing a fastball like Tootoo to counter all their off-speed pitches is a good call.

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Jaromir Jagr got 21 offers on Sunday

(Had to. The ERMAHGERD meme rules.)

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Ducks sign Sheldon Souray to three-year, $11M deal

Wow, well hello, Ducks defense. I think this is a tremendous pick-up at a fair price, only one real problem: it’s a 35+ contract (Souray is 36), so there’s no wiggle room here. Regardless of what happens, the Ducks will eat that whole cap hit, and you never know what can happen (see: Pronger, Chris).

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Nashville plans to give firm offers to Suter, Weber

Well, yeah. I don’t see either guy sticking around, to be honest. As it was said by the TSN panel yesterday, once one guy leaves (and I think Suter will), you don’t want to get “stranded on an island.” With no real talent to help Weber out if his d-partner leaves, I can’t see him sticking it out.

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Canucks hand Jason Garrison a splashy six-year, $27.6M contract

Ahh therrrre’s the replacement for Salo and Rome. Canucks fans gotta be pumped about this. Garrison was rumoured to command 5-6M this off-season, but took a hometown (literally) discount to be a Canuck, which was his favourite team growing up.

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Wild still in the mix for Parise

I would love to see both Parise and Suter go for it in Minny and reward the great fans there. They’ve been stuck in a perpetual loop of mediocrity – no playoffs, no high draft picks – and deserve better.

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Capitals spend $950,000 on Joey Crabb

There’s not a real nice way to say that I don’t think Joey Crabb is a great hockey player, so uh, I won’t. I will say I’m surprised he got a pay raise.

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Ducks GM compares Justin Schultz leaving to Eric Lindros spurning Quebec

This was glorious:

“I’m more confused than ever now,” Murray said. “I’ve moved on. If he had it in his mind that he wanted to play in Canada … OK. I get that … I’m a Canadian too. But Eric Lindros, when he didn’t want to play in Quebec, he went to his team that drafted him and said no I’m not going to play there. He allowed that team to make the move to get something for him. He told us numerous times he wanted to play for us.”

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Report: Devils present Martin Brodeur with a two-year offer

For the love of god, take it.

(UPDATE: He did, signed for two more years with the Devils today)

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AND THAT WAS JULY FIRST!

Tune back in soon for Parise/Suter news and my analysis.