My wife hurt her back a couple years ago while we were moving from our old basement suite to our current basement suite [1]. It was bad enough that she had to take some pretty heavy painkillers, the kind with a muscle relaxant involved. That medication, combined with being completely exhausted from a stressful move, made her pretty loopy that night. She decided that it was time for a challenge.

She decided that she wanted to draw all of the NHL logos from memory. Last night, I did the same. And I deeply, deeply regret it. You can see her results on her blog, Wrong Sides Together, and I highly recommend checking them out as they’re pretty hilarious. Keep in mind, she’s a relatively new convert to hockey, having grown up in Washington where the NHL has no presence and baseball and football are the sports of choice. She only started watching hockey after we got married, grew a liking for the sport a few years ago by watching the high-flying Capitals [2] during the playoffs a few years ago, and now plays fantasy hockey, loves going to Abbotsford Heat games, and treasures her Canucks sweater [3].

That doesn’t mean, however, that, under the influence of medication, she could remember every team’s logo. While she did fairly well with a few of them, some of them are just ridiculous, like the Buffaslug  and the 6 different attempts at the Lightning.

Here’s how it works, in case you want to try this yourself or with a few friends:

Step 1: Alcohol. It’s not strictly required, but since my wife wasn’t exactly sober when she attempted it, I think it’s only fair that you get a little tipsy before starting.

Step 2: Draw every single NHL team logo from memory. No cheating.

Step 3: Show your friends so that they can laugh at you. Or, as my wife suggested, have a friend draw them and laugh at them instead.

Admittedly, it’s not a complicated process. So, after a few rum and cokes [4] I got down to it. Here’s what happened:

I started with the ones I was most familiar with, which turned out to be a mistake. I was still mostly sober as I drew the Canucks, Flames, and Oilers logos, but by the time I got to the Panthers, Wild, and Coyotes, I was buzzed, tired, and in a goofy mood. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that those turned out the worst. Honestly, screw the Wild. Screw ‘em. I feel sorry for any young fan of the Wild trying to draw that logo.

Still, the ones at the beginning didn’t turn out great either. I drew the wrong Senators logo and didn’t draw it correctly. The Maple Leafs logo is just plain messed up. I have no idea what I was thinking with the Red Wings logo and, after talking smack about my wife attempting to draw the Lightning logo, I drew it backwards. I drew the Blackhawks logo backwards as well.

There are all sorts of little errors too: The Devils’ “J” is missing its horns, the Islanders’ island is the wrong orientation, and the Capitals logo is from the wrong era. The Blues’ logo is leaning the wrong way, the Sharks logo is missing a couple fins, and I have apparently forgotten how to draw a fighter jet since I was 10.

I got to the end of my piece of paper and realized I had forgotten the Stars and the Blue Jackets. I added them in the top-right corner in the empty spaces left by the Rangers. Yes, that is what the Blue Jackets logo looks like in my mind.

Here are a few selections from my attempt, with commentary from my wife:

Avalanche: “It looks like an A trying to cover up its naughty bits. Like its towel just dropped to the ground.”

Predators: “I guess it’s supposed to be a prehistoric sabre-toothed tiger, but it looks more like a gerbil, hamster, or small-rodent of some kind.”

Blackhawks: “It’s an elf with a dreadlock-mullet.”

Panthers: “Is the Panthers logo supposed to be that tiny? Why is it so tiny? And cute?”

Penguins: “It looks like someone with a big nose wearing a penguin suit.”

Coyotes: “Where’s the rest of his head? And what’s wrong with his mouth? I don’t know what to say about that one. I just…don’t know what to say.”

I seriously have no idea what happened with this Coyotes logo. It went wrong in so many different ways.

Wild: “That’s really bad.”

Yes. Yes it is.

Please, please attempt this challenge and share your results. Don’t leave me alone in my shame.

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[1] Yes, I am a blogger who lives and works in my basement. Fortunately, my landlord isn’t my mother, so I don’t check off all the clichés.

[2] Remember when the Capitals were exciting and were capable of bringing new fans into the NHL? Those were the days…

[3] She also treasures her Washington Capitals Ovechkin t-shirt, but she was kind enough to wait a few days after the Canucks got eliminated by the Kings to start fully cheering on the Capitals.

[4] Or should that be “rums and coke” like it’s “brothers-in-law” instead of “brother-in-laws”?