So, apparently the Toronto Maple Leafs decided to spruce up their dressing room a bit. And hey, why not? They’ve got sacks on sacks on sacks of money, so they might as well operate in a top-notch facility, keep their building a place where players desire to be, and just generally keep things updated.
Leafs’ coach Randy Carlyle had this to say on it:
“I just thought the room looked dark and tired in places. A lot of things had to be updated, such as the carpet, but we’ve also added some artwork, like murals and photos. There will also be some changes to things like the stalls, that a modern-day player in Toronto is going to appreciate.”
Right on, right on, my man, my man.
While browsing Reddit Hockey this morning, I came across a video linked from the Sun News Network, and it is truly, truly awful.
Extensive Googling has led me to believe the host’s name is David Menzies. (UPDATE: It is, and he’s the same guy who told Brian Burke to stop hiding behind the gay flag.)
He thinks that Randy Carlyle thinks upgrading the room is going fix the Leafs problems. “Why not spend that money on a goalie or a first-line center?” Good point Menzies. Leafs hadn’t thought of that yet, just you. Both are readily available, too. He thought the quote warranted naming Randy Carlyle as the Sun News “Moron of the Morning,” which is a thing he’s decided is a solid feature to have on a show with his name on it.
“Holy Martha Stewart, Batman.”
Let’s break it down.
First, let’s start with a video calling out morons misspelling “Martha Stewart” as a title. Moving on. (UPDATE: They fixed it!)
At one point, he chirps Carlyle for adding a few motivational phrases to the walls, which every dressing room ever has included. He follows that immediately with ”How about this as a motivational messages, ‘Just win, baby‘.”
YOU DONE GOT ZUNGED, LEAFS.
How exactly does upgrading a dressing room make a guy a moron? Is making Toronto a better place to play a bad thing? If that shit didn’t matter, players wouldn’t be filing grievances to void trades that would force them to play in Nassau Coliseum 41 times a year.
I mean, sorry to get all ranty, but did anybody say the room is the reason the team loses so often? HAHAHA THE VISITORS WIN THEY SHOULD DRESS IN THAT ROOM.
And what the fuck was with the car thing? Who was even talking about cars? OH, LIFESTYLE, I GET IT. The dripping sarcasm on “maybe it’s not just the dowdy dressing room that’s at fault” reminded me exactly of this Homer Simpson riff on Glenn Beck (be sure to go watch that. Skip to 2:45 of part one and compare Homer’s tone - “Oo – what a lovely touch” – to Menzies’).
But seriously, why did we have to watch entire the entire 30 seconds of that car commercial for him to make that terrible stretch of a joke?
“At least when the Cordiba was manufactured, folks, the Leafs actually made the playoffs.”
He could not have been more proud of that joke. Positively beside himself.
“And for thinking the dressing room is the reason this team stinks -”
Nobody ever said that. Not one person, ever, of all-time said that about the Toronto Maple Leafs. You’re the guy who interpreted a dressing room upgrade as that message.
” - well, two minutes for being such an imbecile, coach Carlyle.”
HAHA TWO MINUTES HOW TOPICAL BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU GET IN THE GAME OF HOCKEY WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG.
“And that ladies and gentleman, is your Moron of the Morning.”