Chapter One

Hey gang, remember Ron Wilson?

The guy who, up until recently, coached the Toronto Maple Leafs? The guy who was the whipping boy for the problems of Toronto? The guy who had such a tenuous relationship with the media even Rob Ford thought it was a little much? The guy who announced his contract extension on Twitter on Christmas Day?

 

Yeah, you remember.

It was all quite a bit of fun for us non-cynics and those who didn’t have to watch the Leafs play. But, the part where the Ron Wilson saga gets truly riveting is the day he was fired. March 2, 2012. Ron Wilson runs a Toronto Maple Leafs practice, gets dismissed from his job and is never heard from ever again. He went off the grid completely. The twitter account went dark, there was no exit interview, it was as if nothing ever happened.

In short, it was bizarre.

For a man who had such a bombastic tenure with the Leafs, Wilson departed in the most unassuming way possible. Randy Carlyle arrived and there may as well have been no bridge between him and Paul Maurice. Ron Wilson left without a bang or a whimper. It was just utter silence.

It all got me thinking, where is Ron Wilson? What is he doing? How has he gone from one of the most actively followed and maligned figures in the hockey world to an afterthought — a Wikipedia footnote?

The saga of Ron Wilson is nothing short of a mystery, and I hope to solve it. Some unconfirmed sightings have been in the following places:

Pamplona, Spain

The Acropolis

On the beach with Waldo

Mount Everest

Tiananmen Square

Skydiving in Kuala Lumpur

Reports also suggested that he was muttering something about “PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T MAKE ME PUT OUT THIS PENALTY KILL UNIT.”

The Wilson story, bizarre as it is, is equally intriguing. Why has he been so silent after all these months? Even the world’s most famous/maligned goalie coach Francois Allaire hasn’t waited long to blast everyone within five feet of the Leafs organization. Is Wilson just being kind out of respect for his buddy Brian Burke? Or is he just incredibly put off by the spotlight after an exhausting tenure behind the Leafs bench?

These are the things I want to know.

If you have any tips regarding the whereabouts of one Ron Wilson, please, in the name of all things blue, white and in an eight year rut, e-mail or tweet at me. He must be found. He must be spoken to. The truth about his life — does he like long walks on the beach? Can he juggle? Does he have a capacity for stand up comedy? What the hell happened in Toronto? — must be uncovered.

This will be a recurring feature and your ‘This one time I saw Ron Wilson at Wendy’s ordering Baconators’ story could play an integral role to our quest.

Onwards, friends. And keep an eye out for Ron Wilson. Together we shall find him, and together we shall learn the truth.

Comments (11)

  1. I’d put a man on the golf courses in Hilton Head. I’m sure he’ll dig up Wilson.

  2. Nice Paintshops.

  3. does anybody really care?

  4. Not funny. Just plain bad.

  5. Photoshop X into a bunch of famous scenes where X will appear incongruous. Never seen this idea before!

  6. Did anyone else bother finding Waldo?

  7. Fuck the lockout.

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