I had commented in an earlier post that there aren’t a lot of recognizable names atop the scoring lists of European hockey leagues. More accurately, there aren’t a lot of NHL players.

Alexander Radulov is certainly a recognizable name that’s up there, having spent parts of multiple seasons with Nashville, including his most recent stop, a messy affair that led to his suspension during a crucial Predators playoff game.

For all the things that have ever been written and/or said about Radulov, one statement is noticeably absent: “he isn’t good.” The reason for this being of course, that Alexander Radulov is an excellent hockey player.

Get this: according to Wikipedia Radulov is the KHL’s all-time leading scorer (can that be true? He turned 26 in July) with 254 points. He’s a three-time league MVP and a Gagarin Cup champion (that’s their Stanley Cup, BTW). This season Radulov once again finds himself atop the KHL’s scoring leaderboard, which brings me to the sole reason for this post: the leader gets their headshot posted on the “stats” front page, and AHHHHHHHHHHHH RUNNNNNNNNNN…………



That…that picture.

Comrade Radulov will destroy you. He is staring into your soul, yet you see none of his. It is absent. He is a cyborg. His eyes are lasers, the way the Britney Spears fembots had machine guns that came out of their jubblies. His jaw is strong enough to crush metal, like Robosaurus at a monster truck rally. Pain, he feels not. Fear, he does not know. Emotion does not register. Alexander Radulov was created by Russian scientists for one reason, and one reason only: to dominate the Kontinental Hockey League, and to destroy anyone or anything that stands in his path.

…He was also designed to get bombed at clubs and miss curfew, but that’s a glitch they’re working on fixing. Nothing’s perfect.

Comments (9)

  1. He’s the KHL’s all-time leading scorer because the KHL is a fairly young league. The league was only founded in 2008, prior to that most teams played in the old Russian Superleague, but those records don’t carry over for the most part. So basically all this says is Radulov is the highest scoring player in Eastern Europe’s top league since 2008, which is nothing to turn your nose up at, even if the NHL is still a tougher league.

  2. I sure hope to see him play a Bond villain someday.

  3. No joke: I looked away from the picture for a second, and I swear it made a devil-like face at me. Had to stare at it for a minute or two to make sure it just wasn’t a gif.

  4. He may be scary looking but I would still party with him in Scottsdale until 4 am.

  5. If you take your finger/a piece of paper and cover up half of the picture (vertically), it’s like two different people. Right = Somber Radulov, Left = Demonic Radulov. Creepy.

  6. The Dread Pirate Radulov! There will be no survivors!

    You are here… now I am here… soon – you will not be here!

    The Dread Pirate Radulov is here for your SOULLLLLLLSSSS!

  7. Ilya Kovalchuk has 17 points in nine games. That’s just under two points per game. In the short history of the KHL, no one has broken 1.5 PPG and been among the top scorers. With only five goals and twelve assists, I wonder if Kovalchuk is even trying to score goals, or if he’s just having fun racking up assists.

    At this pace Kovalchuk should be leading the KHL in scoring by the end of the month. It’s entirely possible that if he plays the rest of the season in Russia, and finishes with ~40 games, he could challenge Radulov’s record 80 point season (2010-11).

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