After coming across a photo of Jaromir Jagr in the early ’90s last week, it occurred to me that the lockout would be the perfect time to analyze just how wonderfully NHLers dressed a few decades back. Naturally, that epiphany took me to where we’re headed today:

The Gretzky family, as a group, has fantastic fashion sense. Janet Jones (Gretzky) really embraced the 80s, as evidenced by the trio of photos below:

Unitards, man. Now that’s the stuff right there. (BTW, how about the text on the Playboy cover? “Wanna bet those ain’t real?” I literally have no idea what that means. You’re betting they are, or no?)

Of course, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Her daughter, Paulina Gretzky, has claimed this decade as her own:

Aztec-y AND classy. Inspired by the old Phoenix Coyotes logo, maybe? Or possibly inspired by tequila. Either or.

To Paulina, no clothes is her style. But that’s not all that fun. Not when you can leave a little to the imagination, like her father, a man of elegant style who sports his outfits with mystery in his eyes.

Wayne-o. The Gretter. The Gret-man (note: he may or may not have been called any of these things).

Wayne owned the ’80s. Look at this picture of Wayne. LOOK AT IT.

Look at Wayne with those lilting blue eyes and wispy blonde hair, lovingly coiffed to appear as though Wayne had arrived in a long and sleek red convertible on a warm fall day, wind casually tossing his hair towards the taillights while the Momas and the Papas sang “California Dreamin’.” All the leaves are brown…

His delicate facial features, light skin and eyes are beautifully accented with thin gold jewelry, nearly guaranteeing the fact that at least three men per day will do a double-take, almost certain a sexy blonde just traipsed past.

To showcase of The World’s Most ’80s jewelry, Wayne has hiked up the sleeves on his form fitting waffle-knit sweater, as thick stripes of non-recurring pastel colours cross his thin chest and envelope his shapely arms.

And further DEAR GOD WHAT’S HE CHANGED INTO NOW???

Yyyyeeaahhhhh, Wayne. There it is.

NOW Wayne’s feelin’ hot. This is more his style. He’s given up the uncomfortable “here’s what they made me wear look” to change back into his “how ya like me now, baby?’ vibe. Yeahhh, you like it. You KNOW you like it.

This is Jerry Seinfeld’s pirate shirt. This is a “blouse.” This is ribbed for his pleasure and hers.

This is a reminder that, much like on the ice, nobody can touch The Great One’s performance during the ’80s. As hard as the woman may try, the man of the family will always be the Gretzky family’s central figure.

Comments (14)

  1. WAYNE LOOKS LKE VIGO FROM THE 2ND GHOSTBUSTERS MOVIE IN THE BOTTOM PHOTO!!!!

  2. Another doppelganger: Def Leppard’s Joe Elliott

  3. This is really fabulous stuff. omg…

  4. I’m getting a James Spader, Pretty in Pink vibe from the first photo.

  5. Playboy really mentioned sports gambling on a cover featuring Janet Jones?? How prophetic.

  6. The damage to the first photo of Wayne makes it look rather like The Great One was scarfing a buttery croissant five seconds before the shutter fell.

  7. Hmph, sexism in hockey media… (meanwhile THN has their women’s hockey issue going)

  8. Be honest…if you were looking at this guy for the first time, you’d swear his name was Magnus or something, and he was from Sweden. and isn’t that a woman’s watch he’s wearing, or am I missing the whole point of the decade?

  9. I have that blouse that he’s wearing in the second photo – except mine is lavender. (25 years later it’s back in the stores.) The 80s fashions were hilarious!

  10. Where’s the famous photo of Gretter in a bath robe, creepily putting his arm around a forever young Gary Coleman? If you haven’t seen it, Google it; it is very real. There’s one with Mess that is just as priceless. Also, I noticed that no one has made mention of the irony of Mrs. Gretzky’s Playboy cover as she was famously involved in Rick Tocchet’s sports gambling ring.

  11. Check out: http://www.80soutfit.com

    for more cool 80s style

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