Earlier today Puck Daddy ran a post about the Bikini Hockey League, with Greg Wyshynski doing a running diary of the league’s promo video (above). We heard about the league awhile back, but now seeing it assembled, I feel the need to share a few thoughts on it. I feel ranty.

The concept seemed ridiculous from the get-go (the Lingerie Football League’s “success” aside), and of course, it is. First off, there’s no shortage of places to direct your eyes if you’re interested in seeing exploited women (try the internet). Secondly, it’s assumed that the hockey isn’t going to be especially spectacular, given that it’s clearly not even the focus of the league, as evidenced by the fact that actual hockey highlights make up less than a minute of said video.

So who, then, is the target audience: men who want to ogle women? (Has to be a better avenue than this, creeps.) Women who like to watch women’s hockey…but not real hockey, roller hockey where the hockey is secondary to the cleavage? (Can’t be a very big group there.) Honestly, I cannot figure out how the organizers plan to get a return on their investment, aside from the fact that Wysh and I are spreading it around and creating a buzz for it like assholes by taking it even semi-seriously. It’s like I’ve fallen prey to a troll who took the time to assemble an entire league to troll me. But fuck it, whatever, I clearly took the bait.

Here’s why the headline reads as it does: in that minute of actual hockey in their “reality TV” promo…the girls are good. Not like, holding-the-dasher-to-stay-standing, or going-for-a-public-skate level, but like, actually good. The one girl pulls the puck from behind the net and tries to tuck it under the bar, and damn near succeeds. Another takes a low clapper with excellent form (hockey form, for crying out loud). I’ve played roller hockey – so, so poorly – and I’m telling you, it’s way harder than ice hockey. Those women are capable.

Which isn’t to sound surprised, by the way. It’s just frustrating that they aren’t taking it seriously, or aren’t playing real hockey. How far off the talent level of the Canadian Women’s Hockey League could some of those talented women be? I haven’t seen any of CWHL action yet (though I intend to), but I feel like a few of the bikini-clad crew looked good enough to play seriously competitive hockey.

I’m amazed they could find any women, let alone many women, who were able to fill in the “all of the above” bubble on:

A) Likes hockey
B) Is attractive
C) Can play the game well
D) Has no problem being exploited/doing gender a disservice
E) Has the time/interest to be a part of something like this
F) All of the above

They found enough girls who circled “F” to fill two teams somehow.

I will not give one iota more of my attention to that sideshow (unless it provides more really rad lockout contentGAG). It’s frustrating. Tons of young hockey-playing girls could use a few more role models from within the game. Instead, they get the Bikini Hockey League.

Comments (16)

  1. In before E.E. goes off on this stuff…

  2. This! This is exactly what I was thinking. Thank you Mr. Bourne

  3. Oh I love the fake fan wallpaper.

    I would imagine it’s the same reason groups of women who go on every other reality show. Money. Get paid however many thousands of dollars to put on a bikini and play hockey while looking pretty. Maybe they’re trying to launch modeling/acting/whatever careers?

    The first thing that jumped out to me was something completely different: you can actually see the faces of the athletes as opposed to the NHL where it’s non-stop action that’s very fast with helmets and visors. Of course, they’re one errant puck or stick away from a complete disaster.

    But mostly I just kind of felt bad they were playing hockey in tiny shorts and bikinis inevitably being ogled by a lot of boys.

  4. Lighten up Justin, it’s a big entertaining joke to fill the hockey void. It’s not like they are making pornos or giving lap dances

  5. “How far off the talent level of the Canadian Women’s Hockey League could some of those talented women be? I haven’t seen any of CWHL action yet”

    But, you have seen some of the Bikini Hockey League. Justin, as a NY Jets fan, you should know why they are doing this.

  6. I’m going to be honest here. Why in gods name are they standing up for shots without protective gear? I wore those lightly padded undershirts when playing roller and still hated blocking shots. And they are doing it in bikinis? Absurd.

    Btw – roller is definitely harder then ice when you get down to it. The puck doesn’t slide. You don’t have the cutting/stopping ability like you do on ice. And roller hockey skates just don’t offer the agility that ice hockey skates do. At least in my experience.

    Agree that this league is something of a gong show. Sure, they are nice to look at. But if I’m going to watch something related to hockey…..I’d rather watch legitimate hockey.

  7. Thanks for the great rant, Justin. This whole concept is disgusting and degrading, and it’s genuinely saddening that young girls that might want to play have THIS to look up to. Gross.

    • nothing to add, but clikcng the “like” button. as in, “like” the article, “like” the reacton.

  8. I never ever ever ever ever ever EVER (did i mention ever?) thought I would say anything like this but, if the focus was more on the hockey and less on the tits I think I might actually give it a chance.

  9. Remember when MTV played actual music. This is the same thing. It’s an outrage and probably the lowest moment in sports history.

    Will people watch, maybe but no serious hockey fan will. Unless that hockey fan is a 15 year old school boy.

    This is a show that belongs in the same bin as jersey shore! Ridiculous.

  10. As a female hockey player who’s reasonably attractive (though sadly too old for their demographic), if I were offered the chance to get paid to play hockey I’d jump at it. Yes, it’s objectifying women, but so is every fashion/Hollywood magazine out there.

    Boys, If you were given the chance to play in the NHL but you had to do an underwear commercial to get there would you refuse because it would objectify you? Do you think the guys who do make the show refuse endorsement deals where they have to take their shirts off?

    Yes, this is taking way over the edge, but it’s not like they’re the first group to do so.

  11. Hey Justin – can you follow this up with a post on the naked calendar that some Swiss team made? (whatever team Cody Almond is on) At least the calendar raised money for a good cause!

  12. These Girls Gone Wild wannabes were clearly already rejected by roller derby (i.e., meaner, tougher, and run by women in a context that at once promotes teammanship and also encourages participants to devise their own “personas”, wearing whatever they like during bouts – sexy or not – with protective gear). That’s the only reason they turned to hockey, because it’s still addled with a pervasive old boy chauvanism/cultural bias. You’re right that it’s sad because they can actually play really well, but that’s obviously not why they’re doing it in the first place. They want to be ogled by bored, horny hockey fans with Lockout PTSD. They want the attention, however lame. They want to parade their bodies around like methed-out strippers and insist that they’re playing a game and it’s not the same thing, etc.

    I can totally understand that Because The Lockout people are frustrated and are looking for some titillation because they’ve got Lundquist or Sharp withdrawals, or they miss gazing upon hockey Teen Beats like Toews, Hall, Eberle, Skinner and LeTang. But this just seems like the brainchild of some greasy perv like Joe Francis who timed his venture to launch during a world without the NHL. If it’s the initiative of a woman, then she’s a very ambitious business woman but her concept and business plan lacks creativity, vision and relevance.

    • “girls gone wild wannabees”…nice way to show off how biased you are. toolbag

      You’re a complete and total idiot, no other way to state it.

      A lot of those girls are excellent at hockey – based on their experience – and would most likely school you given the opportunity. do some research before you give off worthless opinions. reason over emotions. that’s how successful people in life become so. toolbag.

      the Bikini League needs people talking about it…guess what? they’re thanking you for your word of mouth approach. no better form of advertising. get your panties in a bunch some more and we’ll probably see you on a show even less dignified someday. toolbag.

      .

  13. Well the hockey ain’t bad but that goalie is fucking terrible.
    (also, I’m a feminist too but I think you lot are being prudes. They’re fucking bikinis man. Have you seen TV lately?)

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