Earlier today Puck Daddy ran a post about the Bikini Hockey League, with Greg Wyshynski doing a running diary of the league’s promo video (above). We heard about the league awhile back, but now seeing it assembled, I feel the need to share a few thoughts on it. I feel ranty.

The concept seemed ridiculous from the get-go (the Lingerie Football League’s “success” aside), and of course, it is. First off, there’s no shortage of places to direct your eyes if you’re interested in seeing exploited women (try the internet). Secondly, it’s assumed that the hockey isn’t going to be especially spectacular, given that it’s clearly not even the focus of the league, as evidenced by the fact that actual hockey highlights make up less than a minute of said video.

So who, then, is the target audience: men who want to ogle women? (Has to be a better avenue than this, creeps.) Women who like to watch women’s hockey…but not real hockey, roller hockey where the hockey is secondary to the cleavage? (Can’t be a very big group there.) Honestly, I cannot figure out how the organizers plan to get a return on their investment, aside from the fact that Wysh and I are spreading it around and creating a buzz for it like assholes by taking it even semi-seriously. It’s like I’ve fallen prey to a troll who took the time to assemble an entire league to troll me. But fuck it, whatever, I clearly took the bait.

Here’s why the headline reads as it does: in that minute of actual hockey in their “reality TV” promo…the girls are good. Not like, holding-the-dasher-to-stay-standing, or going-for-a-public-skate level, but like, actually good. The one girl pulls the puck from behind the net and tries to tuck it under the bar, and damn near succeeds. Another takes a low clapper with excellent form (hockey form, for crying out loud). I’ve played roller hockey – so, so poorly – and I’m telling you, it’s way harder than ice hockey. Those women are capable.

Which isn’t to sound surprised, by the way. It’s just frustrating that they aren’t taking it seriously, or aren’t playing real hockey. How far off the talent level of the Canadian Women’s Hockey League could some of those talented women be? I haven’t seen any of CWHL action yet (though I intend to), but I feel like a few of the bikini-clad crew looked good enough to play seriously competitive hockey.

I’m amazed they could find any women, let alone many women, who were able to fill in the “all of the above” bubble on:

A) Likes hockey
B) Is attractive
C) Can play the game well
D) Has no problem being exploited/doing gender a disservice
E) Has the time/interest to be a part of something like this
F) All of the above

They found enough girls who circled “F” to fill two teams somehow.

I will not give one iota more of my attention to that sideshow (unless it provides more really rad lockout contentGAG). It’s frustrating. Tons of young hockey-playing girls could use a few more role models from within the game. Instead, they get the Bikini Hockey League.