2012 was an exceptional year for the National Hockey League, which saw a full half of one season played all over North America, a Stanley Cup awarded, and utter satisfaction found by every NHL owner, each of whom were content with the amount of profit they earned and in no way felt the need to haggle for more. The record revenue generated by the League’s growth was largely thanks to success in the first half of the calendar year.

The captain at the helm for the National Hockey League’s period of unparalleled success was Gary Bettman, the warm, compassionate commissioner who allows fans of the occasionally described “niché sport” to feel beloved, important, and in no way like second-class citizens. After wild success at the end the 2011-2012 season which saw one of The League’s biggest markets take home their first title, Bettman managed to contain the overt self-interst of the players and guide them towards a new, fair compromise that left fans happy that the game will be 100% stable moving into the future. One of the reasons Bettman has respectfully called them “The Best Fans in the World” is because he knows that they understand that sometimes business takes precedent over pleasure, and periodic sacrifices have to be made, say every 8-10 years or so.

Over his tenure, Mr. Bettman has spearheaded the campaign to bring hockey to into areas of North America where they were in such bad need for it they didn’t even know it existed, giving delight to dozens and dozens of people in states like Arizona, Texas, Florida, and for a over an entire decade, Georgia.

The overwhelming success his work has led to a mass clamoring of wealthy men lining up and try to buy franchises, in some cases succeeding by spending upwards of nearly half the contract of a Major League Baseball star. In another sure sign of the game’s growth, the commissioner has added to the vast array of NHL rules he’s aware of, tacking both “high-sticking” and “icing” to his progress in 2011, when he figured “offsides” out. 

Some of the holy worshiping grounds for hockey fans have become known as “Ideal Barns,” which aside from providing an outlet for excessive amounts of public funding, also provide exceptional viewing experiences for fans in place like Long Island:


And they’ve even set up an Ideal Barn in Glendale for Canadians who happen to be travelling down that way.

These cultural hotspots have been blessed by the gift of hockey, and they have the work of Gary Bettman to thank.

Sponsor content provided by Mr. Bettman and the Guys You Should Totally Like Gary More Advocacy Group.

Comments (12)

  1. For some reason I feel like Bourne is trolling me this morning.

    • You forgot to mention the low-low-low price of $50 dollars for Game Center Live to watch all of your favorite team’s 82 games!!! Wait, sorry, 48 Games!!!! Wait, sorry, we forgot about blackouts too; a whole 30* games!!!! What a deal!!!!!!!

      *30 games = Blackhawks scenario

      • It is still a way better deal than football! $300 for 16 games (I could be off a little on the numbers, I don’t remember)

      • Get all 48 games PLUS the playoffs if you use Stealthy, a free plugin for Google Chrome. It’s a proxy, so you can change your IP to a country outside of the US and Canada, load the stream of the game you want (it might take a while), and then turn off Stealthy to watch your “blacked out” games at your regular internet speed.

  2. This is awesome. LA Kings Twitter feed-level professional trolling right here. Well done, gentlemen.

    Slow clap.


  4. (Ha…for those unaware, The Atlantic ran this – http://freze.it/talscientology – since-taken-down “advertorial” on Scientology yesterday, so…yes. We had some fun with it.)

  5. not that this matters but i’m pretty sure thats Atlanta in the 2nd picture…..seeing as it says Georgia Power on the boards. I guess both barns would be that empty given a Columbs vs Atlanta match-up.

    • I was going to say the same thing, based on the thirty-four people in the stands cheering for the Atlanta goal. Then I thought that maybe the confusion was intentional, in keeping with the tone of the article. Finally I just decided that it was because Columbus was wearing the home whites, to give me an excuse to say that the NHL should absolutely go back to wearing the white unis at home.

      • I’m honestly surprised they didn’t flip back after the lockout, but I think they want to wait for Reebok to design white-based third jerseys for teams that want to use them.

  6. April Fool’s Day came early?

  7. Gary Bettman is a very dedicated person in Ice Hockey. Many successful events have done by him. The world Ice hockey never forget his work.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *