Today the news came down that Mikhail Grabovski will not be suspended for allegedly biting Max Pacioretty.

My thoughts on this are very complex:

Kay. …I’m good with that.

I’m not exactly sure why Grabovski biting Pacioretty brought about such a whirlwind of disagreement (you shouldn’t bite people – no s*** – vs. you shouldn’t put parts of your body in or on angry people’s mouths – no s***) when, from what I can tell, the facts are pretty clear:

A) Mikhail Grabovski bit Max Pacioretty

and

B) The league doesn’t care

Again, I’m fine with this arrangement.

This tweet from Darren Dreger makes me laugh:

Mostly because of the terminology “it went to great lengths in search of the truth,” but mostly because BULL****. I mean: Player A wraps his arm around mouth of Player B, who makes a biting motion, Player A immediately reacts saying he got bit, because he got bit, for gosh sakes. Innocent until proven guilty or whatever, but I figure innocent until Let’s Not Play Dumb is fair too. Dude bit him.

Also, it’s not that huge a deal. I saw somebody tweeting about how terrible human bites can be. Eaaaasssyy on that. I’m sure they can, but dude hardly got a full bite taken out of his flesh. He got some arm dents. I bite apples harder.

And let’s remember, he got some arm dents because he put his arm over another man’s mouth, an angry man, I might add, who is an opponent. If put in that situation I will almost certainly bite your forearm, if just to get you get lost. And that’s coming from someone who isn’t as awesomely crazy as Mikhail Grabovski.

The NHL knows this, and it’s why they tend to have ex-players making these supplemental discipline decisions. Alex Burrows did this last year…

burrows bite

…and didn’t get suspended. He is visibly biting another man’s finger. (Shout-out to PPP for the image)

The league has to say lack of evidence, because obviously it can’t come off as condoning biting, but I have a hunch they’re on board with “keep your flesh away from angry, restrained people’s mouths” as a general rule.

I’m not trying to be insensitive to the Habs here or anything, but like I said, let’s all be real: Grabbo bit Patches (great cat names, BTW), Patches is fine, moving on. All is right with the world.