Love you.

Love you.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. The day that separates the men from the people who don’t know how to use an apostrophe. Also the happy from the sad. It’s the day that we go home to our loved ones and spend some quality time with them for all they do for us year ’round (see you soon, bourbon). We’ve been having some fun at The Score this week with some sports themed cards but I am terrible at Photoshop so I had to change the game up a little bit. So, I bring you some sonnets of love for my three favorite NHL people.

Oh my dear God I hope I remember what a sonnet is. This could backfire horribly, so, for all you Shakespeare students out there and to attempt to seem like I paid attention in university…uh, these are modern sonnets. Yeah. Screw iambic pentameter. Deal with it.

Yes, I am aware this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. On the blog, anyway. I should probably just kill myself. (Editor’s note: Jake once wrote this.)

For Jordan Eberle

On a frigid January evening

A legend was about to be written

No man, nor child, knew what would be waiting

A country was about to be smitten

Out of the blue came Jordan Eberle

Only five point four seconds remaining

He scored and then Gord screamed ‘can you believe?’

Then Pierre blew the moment by speaking

Then come shootout he stepped up to the dot

One goal to separate him from the rest

For then he skated, a goal he did pot

A hashtag was born, #EberleTheBest

Now on Oilers we state our love for thee

The best in the league, Jordan Eberle

 

For Brian Burke

The once and future King of Toronto

Now deposed replaced by whom he hired

Unfairly treated by those who don’t know

Perhaps Simmons should be who got fired

A final press conference we were given

Reminders of the man we once thought great

Reminders that we all hate Steve Simmons

Ashamed that we doomed Brian to this fate

The good he did outweighed the bad he wrought

Phil, Phaneuf, Lupul, Kadri, and Frattin

Contracts given as good as contracts got

Sadly the team he built just could not win

And although he won’t be long out of work

I will always be fond of Brian Burke

 

For James Reimer

How long it’s been since we had a tender

That even approached being competent

It’s been so long I cannot remember

Like the Leafs gave quality up for Lent

Suddenly there’s someone I like in goal

Though we must treat him ever so ginger

Some saves are so nice they touch my sad soul

The problem is that he’s always injured

Were he to play eighty we’d have a chance

Though that has yet to be reality

He’s the goalie to lead us to the dance

We’d get so drunk, we no longer could see

I would like this to happen just one time

There might be a chance with Optimus Reim

Comments (8)

  1. How many English majors can actually say they use their degree at work?

  2. This made my day, and let me tell you, it was in the sh!tter fer rizzle, earlier. Love it.

  3. You’re the greatest Jake!

  4. “Then Pierre blew the moment by speaking” <3 <3 <3

  5. Aww, Jake. Loved these. And I’ll raise my glass of Brooklyn whiskey northwards to you tonight.

  6. Hilariously, even though you said screw iambic, they ended up being iambic. Good job.

  7. I don’t know that anyone hates Pierre as much as the two of us. He’s a non contributing zero. He sucks. I bet he smells funny and can’t read good.

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