Calgary Flames v Dallas Stars

So you’re a a fantastic hockey player and it’s your draft year. Congratulations. There’s a pretty good chance you’re going to end up rich, and you’ll also probably track down a little notoriety and perhaps an interested member of the opposite sex. You’re also going to be playing on a hockey team that was very, very bad last season.

That’s okay because you’ll probably make the team, but it’s safe to say that you’ll get over that in a hurry, and the realization that you’re on a garbage team unwilling to spend any money and give you good linemates and this city sucks and AAAAAHHHHH.

You’ll be spoiled quick.

So what’s the best-case scenario? Well, essentially, the best case scenario is that some good team is willing to trade a talented player that another team wants bad enough to trade their first round pick, then that team fails even with their new, talented player, then the good team gets a top pick, then TYLER SEGUIN GOES NUMBER TWO OVERALL TO THE BOSTON BRUINS AND WINS THE CUP THE NEXT YEAR.

That’s…that’s pretty much as good as it gets.

More likely, you’ll end up as Rick Nash in Columbus or Ilya Kovalchuk in Atlanta or John Tavares in New York (things are better right now folks, I know, calm down), languishing in last while earning some personal acclaim.

So if you’re looking at the remaining 15-20% of the NHL schedule, which this season happens to be about eight games, what are you rooting for? Seth Jones, Nate MacKinnon, even Jonathan Drouin…what’s your best case scenario, gents?

I can’t speak for them, and frankly, they wouldn’t speak for themselves anyway (in case they end up somewhere they trashed), so let’s get to it…here’s what I’m rooting for if I’m them.

bottom 10

Honorable mentions

If you’re not in dire need of attentions or wins – which is to say, you’re okay with just living a good life, which is also to say, you’re probably not the most sought after prospect in the world (GOTTA HAVE THAT PASSION) – you could do worse than being drafted by Florida.

If they end up with the first overall pick and take you, you can make a bunch of money, live somewhere with great winter weather, make the team, and be an NHLer. It sort of feels like a place you go and disappear (can you imagine if Huberdeau or Gudbranson were on a Canadian team?), but…so? That would’ve suited me just fine. There’s some decent young players there, and I give more credit to Tallon than most, so you could do worse.

Also, shout-out to Edmonton. They’re not realistically in the mix for the top pick, but if I’m a young kid and I see what they’re building, to hell with the winter weather, I’d be there in a heartbeat. Especially if I were Seth Jones and knew I’d get to play a ton, with the offense already blossoming in front. But let’s get more realistic.

#3 Tampa Bay

Tampa’s only four points up on the illustrious spot of dead last, so it’s not impossible to think they could get the top pick. For me, there’s a lot to like about Tampa: you get to play with Steven Stamkos, Vincent Lecavalier and Marty St. Louis. You get to live in a place with great winter weather. You’ve got good sweaters, when compared to the other team in Florida. Steve Yzerman is at the helm, and you know he’s someone who’s competitive and takes pride in what he does, so the team won’t just happily plug along while losing.

Tampa? I’m in.

#2 Carolina

I kind of like this option a lot for a young stud. There are some long-term, high quality pieces in place with Eric and Jordan Staal, Alex Semin, Jeff Skinner and others, Carolina isn’t some miserable winter place to live, the team has obviously flipped the switch to trying to win (even though they’ve failed at it), and the lineup doesn’t seem impossible to crack. I just feel like I can see this team being really competitive in the East for awhile.

#1 Philadelphia

Philadelphia Flyers v New York Islanders

Lose, lose, lose, lose, lose. That’s what I’m hoping for down the stretch. Talk about not being willing to languish in last, this team is constantly in “go for it” mode. They’ve underachieved badly this year, so you just know with the addition of yourself, the excellent player that you are, and whatever other moves they make this summer, you could immediately be a contender for home ice in the East.

Philadelphia is a cool-ass city, and its fans are as passionate as anywhere. As much as I sang the praises of the non-limelight places, man it’d be fun to see Philly tank, and get thrown into the fire Seguin-style (okay, that’s hyperbole, but still) come next NHL season.

Down the stretch I become a fan of…

#2 Colorado

At a glance, playing for the Avalanche would be swell. Denver is an cool city, one of my favourites in North America. Good winter weather – not the beach type obviously, but sunny, snowy, and not miserably cold. They have some legitimate young talent. The team has a history of success. But then…


They’re a mess. It’s a top-down problem there, from the owners and trickling down, and it doesn’t feel like they’re going to win for awhile. That young core looks a lot less appealing if Ryan O’Reilly suddenly gets shipped out, which I’d wager he does. It feels like Stastny is going to be moving. I’m not entirely serious when I make jersey barbs, but those things are atrocious. It’s just a toxic environment there. It could be worse, but given the chance, I’m passing on the Avs.

# 1 Calgary

Colorado Avalanche v Calgary Flames

It’s sad, because we’ve seen that Calgary can be a great hockey city, and in fact, it is a great city when it’s not The Coldest Place on Earth, but come on…you don’t want to get stuck in that smouldering post-apocalyptic wasteland of an organization. Sorry, sorry, that’s harsh, but there’s not a whole lot to believe in right now. They traded away the players you may have wanted to play with. The future is bleak, save for YOU, who people will be leaning on. That damn “C”-crest (hey, Ryan C-crest) on the red jersey is…black? It’s not a great place in the winter. You’ve seen Jay Feaster’s moves so far, and don’t have hope that the situation is going to improve.

I am buying a jersey and a foam finger for the Flames down the stretch.


Comments (34)

  1. Florida must be drooling at a chance to get McKinnon or Drouin. Both have chemistry with Huberdeau from the World Jrs (Drouin) and the CHL/Russia challenge thingy (McKinnon)

    • Both Panther fans are just chomping at the bit over the chance to get a top pick. (Would someone please move that team to Quebec City? Please)

      • Oh how original. “All two Florida fans”. I spilt my flippin milk reading that comment. Get your sons cock out of your mouth and tell little David to run along to the corner store to go pick me up some more milk. And don’t get me any of that homo milk shit. I will have non of it.

  2. …hey hey now. Fantastic and rich hockey players also catch the eye of the same sex! :)

  3. If I was Seth Jones, I’d be praying to the hockey gods that the Flyers won the upcoming draft lottery.

    He’s basically everything that they are lacking this season, if they got to draft him he’d be getting good minutes right away next year on a team that might even turn out to be a contender.

    • Ed Snider basically own* the NHL so we know he is going to Philly.

      *owns, owns

    • Pretty much.

      Don’t discount the Canes though. Jones and Faulk would be an amazing young top 2 pairing and take a lot of minutes off the journeymen that fill out the back end.

    • Agreed. There is very little D help coming out of Adirondack, or O help for that matter, so a top pick D man is just what the team needs.

  4. if avs get first, theyll take jones, but if they have 2nd and jones is off the board to they go with mackinnon or drouin?

    • Judging by the Avs recent drafting tendencies, I’d say MacKinnon.

      As a center, he’s more versatile than just a pure wing, more defensively conscious, and has had more sustainable numbers over the course of his Junior career than Drouin. He also seems to have a better shot and the speed to keep up with Duchene. He’s the safer pick, even if Drouin does better address an organizational need for wings.

      • If they do go with Mackinnon, theyd have to move oreilly/stastny/duchene stastny is a ufa after next season, but with all 3 centers until at least the end of February , Mackinnon would have to stay in the juniors so they dont stunt his growth and burn a year on his ELC. he can play the wing, but hes a natural center. i live in halifax, ive watched a ton of games, i love his speed, i want mackinnon, but dont want the avs management to hurt the start of his career.

        • I have a feeling that he will be switched to wing at least to start. If we do trade O’Reilly and/or Stastny, it’s possible he’ll move back to center, but we also have Sgarbossa and Hishon in the system, so it’s not guaranteed that MacKinnon would be the one filling any vacated centerman’s role.

          In your opinion, does he need more time in the minors? I have a feeling that the Avs will be hoping he can either slot to the left of Duchene/Parenteau or the right of Landeskog/O’Reilly starting next season.

          • Hishon I like, I feel he can be a number 2 center in the league and sgarbossa could be a nice addition to the wing, i see him being more skillful on the left side then center. And out of Mackinnon Jones and Drouin I think Mackinnon and Jones are ready for the jump, Nate has speed and the quick first step like Duchene very quick shot, with him being a right handed shot id put him on the right side of of O’Reilly and Landeskog to start things off. It wouldnt hurt if Mackinnon spent another year in Halifax but it also wouldn’t if he was to stick with an NHL team, preferably the Avs. If it was me, i’d try Duchene, Gabe, Mackinnon on one line with, Ryan, Mcginn and P.A on the 2nd. I see a bit of chemistry with P.A and Matt, but two quick skaters with Landeskog would be tough to handle. And you have patience with P.A, hard work from Mcginn and a never give up mentality from Ryan.

            Jones is ready, the size and skill. But the Avalanche do not have the a defencemen that could really help him transistion to the NHL. Johnson does not possess the leadership, and Hejda does’nt play that style that Jones is used to. It’d be harder for him to do well on their blueline.

          • Id also move both Ryan and Paul, loved Paul since the start of his career but needs that fresh start, isn’t putting up 6.5 mill numbers. Id like him to come back at no more then 4 million. And Ryan has made things difficult, Colorado did’nt do much to help things either. But Ryan shouldn’t garner anything more then 4 maybe 4.5 million a year.

            What do you think will be the outcome of both players?

          • Style and age-wise, I think O’Reilly is the better fit, but it’s about making the money work. He’s not worth $6.5 mil. He doesn’t have that much offensive up-side, and honestly, his defensive game has slipped a bit this year as well. If they can talk him down to around $5 mil a year, they’re likely to trade Stastny at the deadline (he’s a 2014 UFA). If not…. there are going to be some tough choices ahead. With the market for Top 6 centers being what it is though, I doubt we can afford to keep both much longer.

            Either way, I don’t think any decisions will be made until the 2014 trade deadline. I’d expect both of them to share 2nd/3rd line center duties until then.

          • Any word if they have Jones ahead of Mackinnon in their rankings?

  5. We were friends until this article Bourne! Flames need to pack it in for this year, trade up for 2 top 3 picks and end up with Mckinnon and Drouin…. We can dream in Flames land cant we? At least I have a reason to jump aboard the Pittsburgh band wagon and cheer for a playoff team!

  6. hahahaha philly being a cup contender next year franck go sux a dix


  8. “There’s a pretty good chance you’re going to end up rich, and you’ll also probably track down a little notoriety and perhaps an interested member of the opposite sex”

    Or perhaps attract an interested member of the same sex #YouCanPlay ;)

    • Are you allowed to tell commenters to go fuck themselves on this board? Bourne, ruling?

    • Very accepting and open minded statement there.

      • My gaydar is off the charts after that last comment

        • So what else are you up to these days aside from proving to everyone with supporting evidence that you have shit for brains and are without a doubt morally bankrupt? I tend to enjoy when someone (anyone) agrees with me. Everyone is just wondering what form of horrific abuse you’ve endured as a child. Cheers, can’t wait for a response I’m sure it will change the world.

    • I recall a prior thread where the actual JB did tell him to cool it.

  9. Probably small comfort from the pov of age 18, but maybe it has to take a few years? You mentioned Stamkos, Tavares and the Edmonton infants, but of the #1 picks in the 5 years before that, Crosby, Fleury and Patrick Kane have Cup rings, Ovi seems to enjoy himself even if the Caps never see a conference final, and…who’s Erik Johnson? Well, the Blues are contenders again and have been for a couple of years.

    Maybe the key is to tank consistently. Pittsburgh had the #1 or #2 pick for four straight years; 3 years later, they had the Cup. Chicago had Toews at #3 the year before Kane (something I bet he Blues GM regets every time they play Chicago); 3 years later, Cup. Looks like 2015 might be Edmonton’s year.

    • domt forget about colarado.. had the number 1 picks 89-91, won cup in 96.. granted they traded all 3 of those players.. and none of them ever won a cup.. thats street justice

    • Erik Johnson is a defenseman who now plays for the Avs. He’s a right-handed shot as well, but if the Avs do draft Jones, we could theoretically have a 1st overall defensive pairing.

  10. Dave’s dad, get your sons cock outa your mouth, lad. This isn’t broke back mountain, son.

  11. I have autism, will you be my friend?

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