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Jake Goldsbie

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Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Hey, it’s Three Stars Monday. And on Easter. Just as Jesus intended.

Today, our version of an April Fools’ joke is the fact that Bourne is out spending time with his family or something so you’re all stuck with just John Noon and myself. As well as some key contributions for producer extraordinaire Ryan Eligh.

UPDATE: We falsely said that Taylor Hall’s hat trick was an NHL record. It’s not, just an Oilers record. He still beat Gretzky, though. Which is just as good.

We discussed:

* Sidney Crosby potentially not being so handsome anymore.

* Breaking your jaw sucks.

* The Blue Jackets’ surprising playoff run and Sergei Bobrovsky’s Hart Trophy candidacy (again, not joking).

* Lubomir Visnovski’s hilarious contract extension.

* Taylor Hall besting Wayne Gretzky (still not joking).

* Not too much Leafs talk (Kadri the best, Orr/McLaren the worst).

* Every goalie will be traded somewhere by Wednesday.

* And much, much more (this was a long one).

You can listen to it here:

Download it here, and subscribe on iTunes here. Facebook!

 

 

I did not expect to put this picture in a post when I woke up this morning.

I did not expect to put this picture in a post when I woke up this morning.

I swear that this is not an April Fools’ Day joke. This is just too damn weird to not make a post on.

So, hands up if you’ve seen Baby Geniuses or Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2? I see very few hands. Okay, fine. The Baby Geniuses series are two of those movies that probably only has notoriety because the Internet exists and would likely be a long forgotten footnote of a film were it not for the meme-ification and weird, pseudo-ironic enjoyment that comes from horrible things. The original is #74 on IMDB’s Bottom 100 list and the sequel is currently ranked #4 while also, to this day, remaining the second worst movie Jon Voight ever made. Actually, that’s not even close to true. Does anyone have a weirder IMDB page than Jon Voight? See you for Baby Geniuses 5, dude.

Read the rest of this entry »

New York Islanders v Washington Capitals

“Forced Watching” is a weekly feature where the loser of the wagering game on the podcast is forced to watch the least interesting game on the schedule (in the opinion of the winner), and write about it. No offense if your favourite team is involved. Well, some offense.

***

Welcome to the first Forced Watching I’m actually looking forward to. I actually thought I was going to win this week. I was so close. If you think you’re disappointed you have to deal with me again this week, you can’t imagine how I feel.

Anyway, Give me your Tavares, your Moulson, & your Ovechkin. Hoping for a good game that gets done quick because I have tickets to go see Lucero tonight. Let’s do this thing.

1st Period

20:00 - Let’s get it started with Washington’s feed just cause. I feel like the nine goals Ovechkin scores (shhh…I’m being optimistic…it’s weird) will be more exciting with a hometown announcer.

20:00 - Thanks to the wonderful invention that is Wikipedia I have learned that my announcers for this first period are Joe Beninati and Craig Laughlin. Cool.

20:00 - Aw, no commercials on Gamecenter. Lucky for all of you, sad for me.

20:00 - Opening faceoff brought to you by Papa John’s. There are some people in theScore’s offices who could totally get behind that.

19:26 - Eric Fehr is out tonight so we get to watch the Polish Pistol Wojtek Wolski instead. I’m pretty okay with this. Read the rest of this entry »

This guy wears a visor and is still pretty good. So does that Crosby fella.

This guy wears a visor and is still pretty good. So does that Crosby fella.

Today, Chris Johnston (who if you’re not following on Twitter, you should) tweeted that Mathieu Schneider said that the NHLPA will poll its membership about grandfathering in mandatory visors. Kind of like what was done with helmets. Of course, this prompted some reaction from the rest of Twitter. Here are some.

Read the rest of this entry »

Calgary Flames v Dallas Stars

“Forced Watching” is a weekly feature where the loser of the wagering game on the podcast is forced to watch the least interesting game on the schedule (in the opinion of the winner), and write about it. No offense if your favourite team is involved. Well, some offense.

***

Hey, welcome back to the post that gives me severe anxiety and is apparently just what I do now. This week we’ve got Calgary vs. Dallas in what is sure to be a barnburner. Couldn’t be more excited. When you have a chance to watch the 13th and 14th place teams play each other, I mean, you really just can’t pass that up.

I look forward to all your kind words.

1st Period

20:00 - Alright, FOX Sports Southwest. Been a while. Let’s do this.

20:00 - I’m actually very curious to see how the Stars rebound from that smackdown at the hands of the Blackhawks they suffered on Sunday. Ralph and Razor (missed you guys) talking a lot about leaders stepping up, being humbled/humiliated, etc. Speaking off, Jamie Benn is goalless in his last 7 games so let’s hope that changes tonight. I was robbed of Benn awesomeness last time I was forced to watch the Stars, here’s hoping that doesn’t happen again.

20:00 - There is apparently something called the Lone Star Emmy Awards and Ralph and Razor apparently won one a few weeks back. Can’t argue with that. Very excited to listen to them again. Actually.

20:00 - Mark Giordano and Dennis Wideman starting on D for the Flames. $9 million in very average defense! You go, Jay Feaster. Read the rest of this entry »

HNIC Open Thread: March 16

Drop that:

Ceremonial faceoffs are usually a thing I don’t pay a lot of attention to. This one was actually kind of cool. I don’t know if it was the jerseys or Cyclone Taylor’s grandson (best name) but I enjoyed it.

 

Read the rest of this entry »

Edmonton Oilers v Colorado Avalanche

“Forced Watching” is a weekly feature where the loser of the wagering game on the podcast is forced to watch the least interesting game on the schedule (in the opinion of the winner), and write about it. No offense if your favourite team is involved. Well, some offense.

***

Hi, again. I suck at this so you’re stuck with me again.

Sorry.

I’m actually kind of looking forward to watching these teams though. We’ve got two not that great teams that had a good week, some great young players and my favorite player in the league.

Setting the over/under on Brian O’Reilly jokes: 6.5

 

1st Period

20:00 – Dubnyk and Varlamov tonight. I’m kind of excited to watch Dubnyk. I’ve criticized him a lot this year but seen great flashes from him. Curious to watch a whole game.

19:30 – Joe Sacco being the Avs coach confuses me. I’m watching the Avs, I hear announcers saying Joe Sac- but it doesn’t end in –ik. I want Joe Sakic to coach the Avs. I want Joe Sakic to do everything. I miss Joe Sakic.

18:53 – The Avs are only 4 points out of a playoff spot. Seriously. I would never have guessed that and I have the standings in front of me every day during the podcast. I am not observant. Read the rest of this entry »