Ryan O’Reilly, engaged in a scrupulously appropriate display of goal-celebration.
It is a curse to be born to overzealous parents. While other kids are eating dirt and dismembering worms in the backyard, their child is sitting indoors doing long division, coated in hand sanitizer. While most teenagers are drinking shitty beer and making out in basements, their precious muffin is drinking coffee through SAT prep. I imagine having such parents is one long list of embarrassments and aggravations, full of extra meetings with teachers and nasty notes to coaches and being pulled aside to stand awkwardly in front of everyone while Mommy rambles on about what a special special flower you are.
Given the email his dad sent to the Denver Post, I assume Ryan O’Reilly never got to eat dirt.
This is the Don Cherry of emails, which is to say that it makes the most ordinary possible points in the craziest possible way. Despite a disclaimer by Dater that the letter had been “lightly touched up for a couple minor spelling and punctuation things”, it’s not only riddled with such errors (“bases” instead of “basis”, “miss treat” instead of “mistreat”), but features Random Capitalization throughout, and unless you are writing about eighteenth century German philosophy or thirteenth century Catholic theology, you cannot capitalize common nouns without sounding crazy. When you go, as Brian O’Reilly did, all the way to capitalizing conjunctions, you have lost any hope of being taken seriously. Read the rest of this entry »
