Archive for the ‘Cringe-Worthy’ Category

Smell my glove! SMELL IT!

Smell my glove! SMELL IT!

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers grossed out the sporting world recently with the announcement that several of their players are fighting MRSA infections. Football doesn’t get to have all the fun where nasty bugs are concerned, so this week we’ll take you on a tour of some disgusting locker room infections. You’re welcome.

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Here's Bergeron, clearly not suffering at all.

Here’s Bergeron clearly not suffering at all.

Teams are always cagey about injuries during the playoffs, but Boston took it to entirely new heights this year when they revealed that Patrice Bergeron had a body injury. Not upper body, not lower body, just body. The injury turned out to be multiple upper body injuries (a broken rib, torn cartilage, a separated shoulder, and a pneumothorax) none of which could be considered minimal by any standards, and none of which prevented him from finishing the series.

Cartilage! Ribs!

The fun started in game four when Bergeron tore cartilage in his chest on a check from Michael Frolik. He then left game five in the second period, due to what was later revealed was a broken rib and concerns for a spleen inury. The cartilage in your chest has an important job, namely holding your ribs onto your sternum. The cartilage is highlighted in red below to point out just how heinous the pain is when you tear it. Generally people with costochondral injuries (costo = rib, chondral = pertaining to cartilage) sit very still, breathe very shallowly, and try not to do anything that would move their chest in any way. Try that. It’s impossible. What do you do for the injury? Nothing. Seriously, nothing. You wait it out, you take pain pills, and you suffer.

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Editor’s note: this post originally ran after Blake Geoffrion’s injury on Nov. 10th, 2012 – we’ve republished it today for those who want to know more about what happened to the former Hobey Baker winner, given the bad news – today he told the Montreal Canadiens he plans to retire from professional hockey.

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Update on the update: John Glennon reports that Geoffrion has yet to officially retire.

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November 12th, 2012

Hockey fans filled the Bell Centre last night, eager to see Montreal’s AHL affiliated Hamilton Bulldogs take on the East Division-leading Syracuse crunch. A massive JP Côté hit on Hamilton’s Blake Geoffrion ended with Geoffrion skating off clutching his bleeding face, and later heading to a Montreal hospital for surgical repair of a skull fracture.

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Todd Fedoruk, all-time facial fracture champion.

 

Your face is made up of fourteen bones, just about all of which will break when met with a swift hockey puck (or fist, or stick, or ice). Not all facial fractures need surgery, but when they do they can lead to impressive postoperative CT scans, learning to be okay with a visor, and a new style of play.

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Gabriel Landeskog, line dancing.

Last Saturday, after taking a very large shoulder from a very large Shark directly to the head, Gabriel Landeskog- youngest captain in the NHL and the next great hope of the Colorado Avalanche- went into a quiet room somewhere in the bowels of the Pepsi Center for concussion testing. Fifteen minutes later he came out again.

No one but Landeskog and the doctor who treated him knows what happened in that room, but we all know what happened after: he came back out and finished the game, in fact playing almost the exact same amount of minutes he’d played in every game before. We also all know that Monday, two days after the hit, the Avs announced he would not be playing in the next game. Leg injury. And, oh yeah, head injury too.

So, reading between the lines (it ain’t hard, there’s enough space between those lines to write the Bible and then some), Landeskog was cleared to play despite having possible/probable concussion. This isn’t an uncommon thing in the modern NHL. Just off the top of my head, I can think of four players- Armstrong, Letang, Peckham, and Crosby- who’ve taken hits, played, and then been pulled later for concussion symptoms. This is not an Avs problem, this is an NHL concussion policy problem.

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Alright folks, I give up. This will be the last I touch these NHL/NHLPA shenanigans because I have come to grips with the utter insanity this league, this lockout and its half-witted constituents feed. I’ve hit my breaking point, and it came courtesy of one Donald Fehr this morning with this gem of a forthcoming soundbyte.
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Yesterday the Columbus Blue Jackets beat writer Aaron Portzline took a page out of Elliotte Friedman’s book and posted a version of “30 Thoughts,” called “61 Thoughts,” entirely on Rick Nash and his departure. It’s fantastic.

Later in the day I’ll be doing a “Thoughts on Thoughts” piece that sifts through it, but for now, I wanted to start with something he mentioned that’s been on my mind ever since I heard that Nash wanted out of Dodge: who in blue hell is going to represent Columbus at the 2013 All-Star Game that’s…in Columbus? (Fittingly, players refer to playing in Columbus as “Blue Hell.”)

Their roster actually isn’t all that bad, they’re just devoid of a first line (not a small problem, I suppose). I mean, beyond not having any true top-end talent, I’d go as far as to say I think it’s a pretty decent group. But the All-Star Game is solely about top-end talent, and they have none. And when the game is in your barn, you gotta have someone. Read the rest of this entry »