Archive for the ‘For Fun’ Category

The 2013-14 Montoya Line Rankings

al montoya

Last year, I ranked all 67 goalies in the NHL according to a stat that I made up called the Montoya Line because I couldn’t think of anything better to do that day. I argued that Al Montoya was the exact definition of an “average” goalie in the NHL and, more importantly, his name kind of sounds like Mendoza so I could put it before the word “line” and make it sound official. Basically, I ranked each goalie, on a three-point system going either way, in relation to Al Montoya and also based on their names and my personal biases because I found it amusing. Well, here we are in another NHL season and I thought it might be a good idea to break out the rankings for this season.

To qualify, goalies must have played at least one game this season and that’s pretty much the beginning and the end of the necessary criteria. I am nothing if not stringent. As they were last year, these rankings are arbitrary, biased, and utterly, utterly meaningless.

Also, keep in mind that this isn’t an advanced stat (or even a real one) so it shouldn’t cause too much controversy on the Twitter. However, if you feel the need to disagree with me, please make sure you ironically retweet me before you state your opinion so all of your followers can see how wrong I am. Additionally, you could also put a “.” before my Twitter handle to ensure that your disagreement is seen by everyone because that’s how Hockey Twitter works. Remember, public shame is the best kind of shame. Read the rest of this entry »

(Jeff McIntosh, CP)

(Jeff McIntosh, CP)

August is just the worst for NHL fans. It’s at the end of the off-season, so the vast majority of free agent signings and trades have already gone down, but it’s still too early to start thinking about the upcoming season. It’s hockey purgatory, just waiting around until Godot shows up to drop the puck. It’s even worse for hockey writers, who still have to come up with things to write about even though there’s nothing happening. Most end up ranting about things that no one cares about or leap at the slightest bit of NHL news.

The real trouble is that since there’s so little news to talk about, everyone ends up talking about the same news, even if it’s barely news to begin with. Most of the stories that got covered might have merited one article or blog post, but with nothing else to write about, everything gets extra attention.

Thankfully, we’re finally reaching the end of August. Once September rolls around, NHL prospect camps will start up with some teams playing in prospect tournaments to help evaluate their players. That means there will be NHL hockey games, more or less, as early as September 5th. Imagine, actual hockey! Sort of!

In celebration of the end of August, the unhockiest of months, let’s revisit the major stories that hockey writers covered over the last month and figure out which ones are news, sort-of news, not-really news, and definitely not news.

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(Jim Rogash, Getty Images)

While some Bruins fans shut down emotionally in response to Blackhawks goals, others had a far stronger and more Ugh-ful reaction. (Jim Rogash, Getty Images)

Hockey Ughs is the cynical sister to Puck Daddy’s Hockey Hugs, a feature written by my same-sex blog-partner Harrison Mooney from Pass it to Bulis. While Hockey Hugs highlights the joy of scoring a goal and celebrating it with your bestest buds, Hockey Ughs highlights the agony of the other team’s fans right behind the glass, watching those hugs.

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When last we left Hockey Ughs, we had just finished with the second round of the playoffs, which means there are a plethora of Ughs from the Conference Finals and the Stanley Cup Final. We’ll get to those a little later, but first we have a very special edition of Hockey Ughs.

You see, it’s not every day that the Stanley Cup is won on enemy ice, particularly not in such dramatic fashion, with the home team leading the game heading into the final minutes, only to have the game tying and winning goals score in a 17-second span.

The Chicago Blackhawks’ shocking comeback left the Boston Bruins fans in the building shocked and bewildered. And, of course, the cameras focussed on the Blackhawks’ celebrations captured some of those fans and their looks of disbelief and despair. Here are the finest Hockey Ughs of Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final:

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Leafs fans - Toronto Star

Hockey Ughs is the cynical sister to Puck Daddy’s Hockey Hugs, a feature written by my same-sex blog-partner Harrison Mooney from Pass it to Bulis. While Hockey Hugs highlights the joy of scoring a goal and celebrating it with your bestest buds, Hockey Ughs highlights the agony of the other team’s fans right behind the glass, watching those hugs.

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The above image made the rounds a couple weeks ago when the Bruins made their improbable comeback in the third period of Game 7 against the Leafs. It perfectly encapsulates the shock, disgust, and despair that is the Hockey Ugh, but I just can’t bring myself to poke fun at the fans in this picture. The pain is just too stark and raw and it still somehow feels too soon.

Fortunately, the second round of the playoffs gave us plenty of other Hockey Ughs, as the stakes got higher and, with them, the potential for disappointment. Read the rest of this entry »

Hockey Ughs is the cynical sister to Puck Daddy’s Hockey Hugs, a feature written by my same-sex blog-partner Harrison Mooney from Pass it to Bulis. While Hockey Hugs highlights the joy of scoring a goal and celebrating it with your bestest buds, Hockey Ughs highlights the agony of the other team’s fans right behind the glass, watching those hugs.

Aw dang. (Hannah Foslien, Getty Images)

(Hannah Foslien, Getty Images)

Buying a ticket to a playoff game is a massive gamble. Sure, the atmosphere is electric, the hockey is at its most passionate, and seeing your favourite team win in the playoffs is incredibly emotional, but you’re also setting yourself up for a potential heartbreaking experience.

Just imagine the Leafs fans who paid premium prices to see the first playoff game in Toronto in nine years, only to see the Bruins thump the Leafs 5-2. Or consider the Canucks fans who travelled all the way down to San Jose to see game three and watch the team collapse in the third period and lose by that same 5-2 score. If you were given the odds of your team winning a particular and were asked to place a bet equivalent to the price of going to that game, you’d most likely pass.

But this is what being a fan is all about. You take a risk supporting your team, knowing that at any given moment you could experience euphoria or misery. There’s plenty of time to focus on the joy of being a hockey fan; let’s have some fun with the sorrow for a little while.

Here are the best Hockey Ughs of the first round of the playoffs so far.

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Not pictured: mental stability, dignity

Not pictured: mental stability, dignity

The NHL playoffs can be a stressful and scary time. The nature of hockey allows things to change in an instant. Change is scary. Then there’s the unpredictability of the NHL playoffs (see: Kings, Los Angeles). The unknown is scary. Then you have overtime which is literally called “sudden death” which, I mean, come on.

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Love you.

Love you.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. The day that separates the men from the people who don’t know how to use an apostrophe. Also the happy from the sad. It’s the day that we go home to our loved ones and spend some quality time with them for all they do for us year ’round (see you soon, bourbon). We’ve been having some fun at The Score this week with some sports themed cards but I am terrible at Photoshop so I had to change the game up a little bit. So, I bring you some sonnets of love for my three favorite NHL people.

Oh my dear God I hope I remember what a sonnet is. This could backfire horribly, so, for all you Shakespeare students out there and to attempt to seem like I paid attention in university…uh, these are modern sonnets. Yeah. Screw iambic pentameter. Deal with it.

Yes, I am aware this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. On the blog, anyway. I should probably just kill myself. (Editor’s note: Jake once wrote this.)

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