Archive for the ‘General Amusement’ Category

Super. Duper. Creepy.

If you thought I was kidding about that whole “hockey as a religious experience” thing, consider this: The Hockey Holy Season begins today, on Easter, which just happens to be a bunny-centric holiday.

I’m on to something there, right? I’ll take your silence as agreement.

To celebrate, I thought I’d give myself a little challenge. Being goalie-obsessed on top of being hockey-obsessed, sometimes the love doesn’t get spread around enough to the other 5 guys on the ice.

So, today I bring you 5 Sexy Things about Hockey, Unrelated to Goalies (was supposed to be 10, if I’m being honest, but I wrote too much about the top 5):

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Yeah... that's definitely not in.

It has been one of those years for the Carolina Hurricanes. Just 12 months after coming oh, so close to the playoffs last season, they thought with a couple tweaks here and there and their elite goaltender they could slide right into the postseason and try and make their first run since 2009. Absolutely nothing has gone to plan since day one of this season.

History was definitely on their side as the ‘Canes seem to make a run every three seasons for the last decade or so. Seriously.

They lost in the Cup Finals in 2002, they won a Cup in 2006 (three seasons later, remember the lockout) and they lost in the conference final in 2009. All things being equal, this team should have made a deep run into the postseason on the basis of habit alone.

As things stand, the only teams less likely than Carolina to make the playoffs in the East are Montreal and the New York Islanders. Let’s not forget they’ve also set some less than stellar marks along the way which have come up, and it looks as though we may have to wait another year for our occasional dash of Carolina late in the playoffs.

Tim Brent pretty much summed up the Hurricanes’ season with this breakaway goal-er-celebration, after a glorious chance. Read the rest of this entry »

Hal Gill is a +1 in any jersey.

No offense to any of you guys whose lives got turned upside down as one of the moving pieces of Monday’s trade deadline, but damn… what a snooze.

The contrarian in me actually enjoys those 2 or 3 hours of Squirm-o-vision at the beginning of the broadcast: 20 hockey analysts (and one awkward Alyonka Larionov) casually dispersed around the studio praying for something to happen so they don’t have to resort to making fun of each others suits just to have something to say.

But even I still managed to tire of poor Darren Dreger desperately hammering his Blackberry in pursuit of the Nash trade that would never break.

Eventually, though, a few trades rolled in and the analysis began: What’s this guy going to bring to his new team? What’s the absence of this other guy going to do? Which team got the better deal? What is Brian Burke’s tie’s reaction to the trade?

But of course, we all know it’s really just speculation until there’s a body of work from each guy with his new team… and that Burke’s tie hates ALL the trades, but only because the Toronto media is such a bunch of poopieheads.

I, however, have analysis of the deadline trades you can bank on, because it’s in an area where players have an immediate, irrefutable impact: Team Attractiveness.

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I’ve seen it tossed around on the Twitters a few times this morning: was Devin Setoguchi’s “shootout fail” the worst/best/fail-iest of all-time? (Quick aside here – I hate the way we use the word “fail” these days, but in this context it only seems to make sense.)

Before we get to the video evidence, the short answer: no.

It’s not the worst NHL shootout attempt of all-time because once upon a time Dennis Wideman played for the St. Louis Blues.

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We’ve seen some great hockey-based musical parodies over the past couple years. Hockeygods.com alone have given us a number of gems, and Bloge Salming and Down Goes Brown have set the bar so high it’s beyond belief.

I’m not going to say that this quitttte gets to the level of my favourite, the Olympic Welcome Rap, but you can’t watch this and not laugh.

From the great Kings blog The Royal Half, with “music by Hall & Oates, lyrics by The Royal Half and Jersey Brian,” please enjoy Rick Nash singing his way out of Columbus.

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There are a few things I was pretty sure we could count on as hockey fans: Kyle Wellwood fat jokes continuing to be funny, despite the fact that he’s actually quite fit. Vesa Toskala being the default setting for all comically bad goaltending jokes, despite the fact that he’s…no, no nevermind, he actually is quite bad. And I thought Olli Jokinen being somewhat of a goofy-lookin’ overpaid guy was a lock too.

Not that long ago, he seemed en route to playing himself out of the League.

In 08-09, Olli Jokinen was paid 5.25 million dollars for 57 points in 76 games and his -12 rating. Not great bang for your buck (context: that year Henrik Sedin earned $3.575M for 82 points. Selke winner Ryan Kesler earns less than that per season now). That season Phoenix traded him to Calgary part way through.

In 09-10, he was paid 5.5 million dollars for 50 points in 82 games, and was traded from Calgary to New York part way through that season.

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