Archive for the ‘General Idiocy’ Category

San Jose Sharks v Los Angeles Kings - Game One

This isn’t news to you at this point, but Raffi Torres is not somebody who learns a quick lesson. He hit someone illegally then got suspended for it then hit some one then got suspended for it then hit so…I could go on for awhile.

His latest foray into suspension territory was a head shot he dropped on Jarret Stoll, who missed the entire second round of playoffs because of it. Torres sat out with him, removing himself from action which forced him to watch his team lose a tight playoff series by a single goal. That must’ve been awfully painful, so you have to think he found himself in constant regret for his error which potentially cost him and his team a series victory.

Hahahaha, naw, I’m kidding with you, he’d drop that shoulder into Stoll’s head again.

“I still feel like it was a clean hit. I didn’t do anything that I don’t think I’ll do again.”

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Faces of Despair is a potentially recurring feature that spotlights hockey fans that just can’t hide their agonized reaction to an opponent’s goal.

164618842 - everything is ruined

Harrison Mooney, my same-sex blog-partner over at Pass it to Bulis, writes a popular feature for Puck Daddy called Hockey Hugs. It celebrates the primal joy of hockey’s quintessential post-goal celebration. Now, it might just be because I am extremely cynical, but I can’ t help but notice that in the background of many of those joyous goal celebrations is a whole lot of despair and sadness.

Sometimes when you pay good money to see a hockey game, you get a front row seat to see the opponents scoring goals against your favourite team and rubbing it in your face by hugging right in front of you.

These are the Faces of Despair.
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This is from last night’s Flames/Sharks game in Calgary. A “streaker” (he was wearing boxer shorts) hopped onto the ice and made it all the way to center before getting tagged and bagged by the authoritah. Not really sure what the end goal is here, but I’m sure of two things:

A) He won a bet

B) He had to take a breathalyzer yesterday

(Stick-tap to CBS Eye on Hockey)

Love you.

Love you.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. The day that separates the men from the people who don’t know how to use an apostrophe. Also the happy from the sad. It’s the day that we go home to our loved ones and spend some quality time with them for all they do for us year ’round (see you soon, bourbon). We’ve been having some fun at The Score this week with some sports themed cards but I am terrible at Photoshop so I had to change the game up a little bit. So, I bring you some sonnets of love for my three favorite NHL people.

Oh my dear God I hope I remember what a sonnet is. This could backfire horribly, so, for all you Shakespeare students out there and to attempt to seem like I paid attention in university…uh, these are modern sonnets. Yeah. Screw iambic pentameter. Deal with it.

Yes, I am aware this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. On the blog, anyway. I should probably just kill myself. (Editor’s note: Jake once wrote this.)

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dumb fan

Seen at the Kings/Wings game today. She must be so proud.

(Stick-tap to @TheBigD33)

(Massive stick tap to Toby Fowlow for the amazing Photoshop)

INT. NHL head offices – Boardroom

2004. GARY BETTMAN sits at his desk, calmly. His hands folded over themselves and resting on the table. BILL DALY stands off to the side – quiet, admiring. STEPHEN PAGLIUCA of Bain Capital stands at the end of the table, finishing his pitch to Bettman to buy the NHL. Bettman is unaffected. He stares straight ahead at Pagliuca, a smirk permanently worn across his face.

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History has been made. Today is a day that will go down in infamy. Other platitudes that people say when important things happen. We have officially seen the first inter-sport trade. Steve Nash has been traded to the LA Kings. What, you don’t believe me? It was on TV, it must be true. Not only was it on TV, it was on the Toronto-based, 24-hour news channel CP24, obviously the most reliable name in news. “But Jake,” I hear you saying, “this makes absolutely no sense. What kind of blog post is this?” To which I say, “pish posh, this is a blog post reminiscent of the great Cronkite blogs during the war.”

Seriously, it happened. Look

(Credit: @MRichie_10)

Personally, I can’t wait to see what this trade will do for the Stanley Cup champs. They’re already so strong in their front six and you have to figure that Nash will just add even more depth. I can’t wait to see Anze Kopitar spread the ice, taking stretch passes from Nash. And for all those scrambles in front of the net, Nash’s soccer skills could definitely come in handy. Skate to stick will never have seemed so fluid, so smooth, so Nash.

In a way, this could mean big things for the NHL and its future success in America. In another, more accurate way, this means nothing and is stupid. Clean it up, CP24.

In other news, I really want to know if they ever found that man they sought in that high-speed chase. North York is both too fast and too furious.