Archive for the ‘General Ouchiness’ Category

Sam Gagner back when he still had a whole face

Sam Gagner back when he still had a whole face

This year’s preseason injury report is taking a new form, and we’re introducing a new term. Much like the Montoya Line is the standard for average goaltending against which all other goaltenders are measured, the Gagner is the standard for hurlworthy injuries against which all other injuries will now be measured.

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Claude Giroux

Cumberland, Ontario is a small town just east of Ottawa with the distinction of being home to the Camelot Golf and Country Club, an arena with water that smells like rotten eggs, and not much else. It’s also where Claude Giroux lacerated the extensor tendons in his right index finger in a freak exploding golf club incident.

Giroux was at Camelot preparing for the Ottawa Sun Scramble golf tournament, and apparently on a completely normal shot with a completely normal club the shaft of the club splintered, sending shards into his right index finger and lacerating the extensor tendons.

Oh really.

That’s an interesting injury seeing as how you hold a golf club in your palm, a place where you won’t find any extensor tendons. Those are on the backs of your fingers and hand. Giroux’s father Raymond told Le Droit that when his club splintered a piece flew up in the air and came down on his finger, causing the injury.

Oh really.

Regardless of what actually happened (a little smashy-smash of the old clubberoo?), extensor tendon injuries are fairly common and generally require surgery. Without an extensor tendon Giroux would be able to grip a hockey stick (or golf club) but straightening his fingers out to let go would be tricky.

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Here's Bergeron, clearly not suffering at all.

Here’s Bergeron clearly not suffering at all.

Teams are always cagey about injuries during the playoffs, but Boston took it to entirely new heights this year when they revealed that Patrice Bergeron had a body injury. Not upper body, not lower body, just body. The injury turned out to be multiple upper body injuries (a broken rib, torn cartilage, a separated shoulder, and a pneumothorax) none of which could be considered minimal by any standards, and none of which prevented him from finishing the series.

Cartilage! Ribs!

The fun started in game four when Bergeron tore cartilage in his chest on a check from Michael Frolik. He then left game five in the second period, due to what was later revealed was a broken rib and concerns for a spleen inury. The cartilage in your chest has an important job, namely holding your ribs onto your sternum. The cartilage is highlighted in red below to point out just how heinous the pain is when you tear it. Generally people with costochondral injuries (costo = rib, chondral = pertaining to cartilage) sit very still, breathe very shallowly, and try not to do anything that would move their chest in any way. Try that. It’s impossible. What do you do for the injury? Nothing. Seriously, nothing. You wait it out, you take pain pills, and you suffer.

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A bloodied but awake Lars Eller leaves the Bell Centre via stretcher

A bloodied Lars Eller leaves the Bell Centre via stretcher

 

The first round of the playoffs are grinding along towards completion, and already there are more players done for the season than you can count on one hand. A lot of these aren’t your typical playoff injuries either – this year isn’t the usual rash of “Oh he’s so brave, he played through a broken finger/sore back/whatever!” This year we’ve got broken faces, missing teeth, and starting goaltenders done for the duration. And there’s still three more rounds to go. For some teams, anyway.

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Some people are more squeamish than others, so we thought we’d give you the option. You don’t have to watch. But I would. And actually, it’s probably too late, given that these words are below the .GIF.

The result (as tweeted by CBS Eye on Hockey):

Wayne simmonds

Ouchkabibble.

Tough night – unless it was a magic bullet loogie puck, I’m thinking he took more than one smack off his head’s billboard. No visor though. And really, why would he wear one?

(S/t to SB Nation)

Ken Linseman: The rattiest of the rats.

Ken Linseman: The rattiest of the rats.

 

The NHL has a long storied history of dirtbags, and Down Goes Brown wrote a delightful post for Grantland outlining the dirtbaggiest dirtbags, and their many transgressions. What a rich treasure trove of bad behaviour and ugly injuries! Thus was born a series of Quiet Room posts exploring the worst of the injuries handed out by the worst of the dirtbags in their most inglourious moments.

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Patrick Kaleta delivers a gentle love-tap to Brad Richards.

Patrick Kaleta delivers a gentle love-tap to Brad Richards.

Patrick Kaleta attempted to decapitate Brad Richards over the weekend with a shove from behind into the boards. Amazingly Richards didn’t die. He did lie on the ice for several minutes not moving his arms and wearing an agonized facial expression. While Kaleta apologists continue to insist this was a FIFA-style dive, anyone who’s ever had a stinger is offering up a hearty bird-flip at that suggestion.

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