Archive for the ‘Michael Grabner’ Category

I tried to teach myself how to be bigger than Mark Messier once. Didn't work. (Bruce Bennett, Getty Images)

This NHL offseason has been full of an unusual amount of cynicism, thanks to the ongoing CBA negotiations between the NHL and NHLPA. Every discussion about what might happen next season has to immediately be tempered with “if there is a next season,” which is an immediate buzz kill. The offseason is meant to be a time of optimism, when fans of even the worst team in the league can look forward to the upcoming season with hope and expectation. Anything can happen, after all.

Fortunately, there’s still one area where hockey fans seem to have eternal optimism: prospects. Almost every hockey fan holds out hope that one of their favourite team’s prospects is going to turn into an all-star – centring the top-line, manning the point on the first-unit powerplay, or backstopping the team to victory. While you do get the occasional Debbie Downer who despairs that their GM will find even a fourth-line winger through the draft, most fans emphasize the positive when looking at their team’s prospect pool and downplay the negative.

This emphasis usually takes the form of stating what can’t be taught.

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So that’s the question of the Olympic season: If Usain Bolt lined up in a normal lane under normal circumstances, and Marian Gaborik lined up beside him in skates (we’ll assume in gear) on ice, who wins the 100 meter dash?

It first came to me in tweet form, and I apologize dearly to whomever sent it my way, because I’ve forgotten who it was. I didn’t respond at the time, because, duh, there’s an obvious answer…I just wasn’t sure which one it was.

I wanted to respond with something like “Seriously? A guy on skates kills anyone on shoes.” But then I pictured them getting out of the blocks and thought “Bolt would smoke him off the line, it might be too much to make up.”

And then I thought…that’s a great goddamn question. Read the rest of this entry »