You know those days where the swivel part of your swivel chair is getting overworked and nothing’s really happening and the doldrums of the NHL lockout are starting to weight on you as sit, waiting for you work day to end, or begin, and you just find yourself thinking about Pokemon. Oh, you don’t? Well, I do. Kind of a lot.
Seriously, this happens pretty constantly to me because, I mean, I just can’t think about the lack of hockey anymore. I can’t put together a column lambasting the owners or the players or Jeebus or whoever is to blame. I just can’t. So, my mind drifts and I try to find a way to write a hockey column about Pokemon. When I pitched this idea to my esteemed editor his reaction was simply to tell me, “you’re an idiot.” You’re probably starting to agree with that sentiment right about now. Then, when he told me to go ahead and write it anyway I said, “hah! You’re and idiot,” and I walked away with my head held high and my pride still intact (no, I didn’t).
Anyway. With no hockey (though there is hope, I hope) and the fact I can’t bring myself to give even one one hundredth of a shit about the Subway Super Series, I present to you NHL figures and their Pokemon counterparts. Commence with the horrible photoshopping!
Canadian golfer Brad Fritsch is a 34 year old golfer, and after a 12 year battle to finally reach the big time, just earned his PGA Tour card. He finished 18th on the Web.com Tour (essentially the AHL of golf), and the top 25 get a shot at the big time the following year.
Being Canadian, it only makes sense that he’s a hockey fan. Therefore (apparently), it also makes sense to be sponsored by a team.
Fully saturated on stories about the latest CBA proposal from the owners, I set out to do something different: find a hockey highlight or two to remember why I follow this damn sport to begin with.
Naturally, I headed immediately to the website of the best league in the world right now (gag), the KHL. One would assume the World’s Best League would have a pretty rad website too. Yes, RAD. Speaking of, yesterday I stumbled across Alexander Radulov, but today’s find was even better.
Would you believe Alexandre Daigle is tweeting NHL trade rumours from an anonymous Twitter account? No? Congratulations, you're not an idiot. (Rick Stewart, Getty Images)
Reason #7356 the hockey offseason makes me sad: the most talked about hockey-related story on Twitter yesterday was not Max Pacioretty signing a 6-year extension with the Canadiens. Instead, everyone was talking about the outing of infamous rumour mongerer HockeyyInsiderr as a 17-year-old high school student.
A 16-year-old OJHL scout by the name of Jonathan Kyriacou did a little amateur online detective work and connected a series of dots that seemed to identify the supposed insider as Alex Dulude. Unsurprisingly, Dulude has not worked for 4 NHL teams and doesn’t have contacts throughout the league. I’m not entirely convinced that Kyriacou has pinpointed the right guy – his “evidence” is a combination of trusting the word of the guy he’s trying to prove is a liar and a fair amount of conjecture – but Deadspin picked it up and ran with it, officially making it “big news”.
None of this is properly entertaining or newsworthy. Most people had already concluded that HockeyyInsiderr was a far cry from trustworthy and the way he dealt with his critics meant he was already pegged as having the maturity of a 17-year-old.
But what happened next was thoroughly entertaining, as the supposed insider went off the deep end.