“I’m gonna wiggle it at ‘em Joe. And everyone in the audience with the exception of my wife is gonna be running for the exits.”
So goes the hilarious quote from the hockey classic Slapshot, where a few players from the Charlestown Chiefs are forced to be a part of a fashion show by their cheap GM, Joe McGrath.
"Y'know why? Because I want you to have a heart attack and die."
While most professional hockey players aren’t asked to do anything quite as ridiculous as that (check that: I once had to wear an apron and serve season ticket holders dinner), the time before the season starts always involves a few semi-embarrassing routines if you’re remotely self-conscious.
The second the roster is finalized, the work begins.
Head shots need to be taken for the programs, video clips need to be recorded for the website, and periodically, you have to do those awkward jumbotron things where you stare at the camera for a prolonged amount of time, because apparently throwing up a picture of you after you score isn’t enough – fans need to see you blink (or so your team public relations guy thinks).
(Complete and total tangent: I can’t carry on without talking about this. Can we all take a moment to check out this terrific Brent Burns headshot, which solicited the following reactions from twitter:
Wait, picture day is when?
@SuicidePass: “Looks like he just emerged from a shack in the woods wearing overalls and carrying a jug with ‘XXX’ written on it.”
@RattoCSN: “Ahh, the days of liquoring up and cutting your own hair. Good times.”
@KentBaskyMN: “All that pic needs is Goofy’s laugh and some banjo music in the background…”
and the winnner….
@dkowbel9: ”Isn’t that the kind of headshot the league is trying to outlaw?”)
These glamorous photo shoots and video clips always put players in a position where they’re aware they may do or say something that will last for years and become dressing room fodder, such as, oh, I dunno…
Brent Burns thinks Kirill Kabanov looks stupid.
…and that freezes some of them up even more. Obviously not Kirill, but the point remains the same. Read the rest of this entry »